A Long-Term Relationship

I got acquainted with Writing when I was in High School. That was the period when all the other girls in school were hooked up with boys, kissing, and teenage drama. I was then in love with animes and books. There was a time when I thought some animes did not work according to how they should, and being an ambitious child with so many dreams, I thought I could do little changes in them. Little did I know that I was already into writing fanfictions.

My fantasy of rewriting fanfictions sugarcoated itself with a made-up dream of becoming a journalist. I got inspired by reporters and I had this fantasy of going to England through BBN to meet J.K. Rowling herself and thank her for introducing Harry Potter to the world. This was just a diversion though.

When I learned that there was a website called Fanfiction.net, I knew that Writing wanted to have a steady relationship with me. After reading things from the website, I thought it was my turn to share things to the world. There I started my long term relationship with Writing.

This relationship was not smooth sailing. I stumble and fall. Writing found me falling short of its standards. I could not express myself sufficiently and effectively. I misused words and tenses. Alas, I thought it would forever dump me.

But Writing was patient. It recommended reading books to widen my vocabulary. After a while, not only J. K Rowling inspired me. There were Jack London, J. R. R. Tolkien, Mark Twain, C. S. Lewis , etc. Writing also told me to practice and put extra effort in my writing assignments. It encouraged me to write more fanfictions as they trained my mind to weave plots and put words together like Lego Blocks. College became my official training ground. I failed several times. Funny though, that in the times that I stumbled I gained rewards.

Then came the challenges in our relationship. In every competition I joined in, I thought our bond was being tested. We proved to be unbreakable as I won them again and again. Every year, I made sure that I had my name on top. It was a proof that I was unwilling to break off this relationship. Every year, I renew our contract.

After 13 years of being in a relationship with Writing, I thought it was a little topsy-turvy. Sometimes we were at cold war and I wouldn’t be writing anything for days, even weeks. At times when it is smoothly sailing, I could write two short stories a day with a stanza of poetry at the side. I’m still looking for a stable relationship though. I need an assurance that Writing won’t ever leave me as I have promised to do the same. Although I don’t join contests anymore, I still write journals and blogs. I won’t let the fire die and leave this world with nothing to show for. I’m willing to have a long term relationship with Writing.

dogs that bark with their tails between their legs

Perhaps reading Life of Pi has started to influence how I think that I begin to see people with their distinct behavior and their respective places in the society as animals. Yep, animals.

Today I am going to write about dogs.

I love dogs. Really. I love the big ones, those that look clever and tough. They look like they can protect you from any trouble. In fact, my favorite one is Alaskan Malamute and the second one is Siberian Husky. I, however, don't own one. 

Well I used to. Its name was Thunder, a brown puppy my father bought when I was in Elementary. He was very remarkable. It wasn't afraid of rain nor thunder. I saw it once enjoying the rain. It died after two months, June 20, Fathers' Day. It was very dear to me that I did not love any dog after him.

The dog that I am going to describe today is far from my Thunder. Very far. 

This dog barks so loudly. It yaps and yaps. It wouldn't have been a problem seeing this dog if it had something to show for. That's it. It doesn't. It pretends to be a great dog--a Great Dane perhaps-- but it isn't. It wants to have a breed. However, even the most idiotic person in the world knows that a dog's breed is not determined by its bark. There are several factors: coat, height, length, muzzle, and behavior. A mongrel can never be a Golden Retriever, nor a German Shepherd no matter how it acts high and mightily.

Dogs will always wag their tails when they want to gain favor, when they want their owners to toss bones to them.This dog is the same. It barks and wags its tail to its superior, shows his teeth while lolling its tongue. What is it fed with? Scraps! Leftovers! It doesn't get the meat but it sucks the juice of the bones or even its own shit. When problems arise, it doesn't leave its master yet doesn't defend its Superior either. It hides behind his Master's pants and barks with its tails between its legs. How pitiful! Pathetic! Wretched and undignified little thing (redundancy intended)!

Given this, does it deserve my time? Nunca. I have more things to devote my time in.

How do I get rid of it?

I don't try to. Why? It doesn't exist in my world! Getting rid of it means acknowledging its existence and its significance. I acknowledge the presence of mongrels anywhere but I don't believe they matter much.

submissive and dominant animals

"When two creatures meet, the one that is able to intimidate its opponent is recognized socially superior, so that a social decision does not always depend on a fight; an encounter in some circumstances may be enough." - Hediger (1950)

I got this quote from the Life of Pi.

By the way, I haven't made up my mind on getting back on track in this blog but one thing is for sure, I will be posting from time to time this summer. Fortunately, we have a computer with internet access. Yep, out of 5 computers available for faculty assistants, only one has internet access. Besides, my situation needs it.

Last Friday, I wrote about a slithering snake in our midst. Well, it seems that issue isn't finished yet and it is going from bad to worse. I heard from a reliable source that the one who professed caring for me was the one who reported my text to my dear Superior. Sheesh. This text, the source said, became the trigger to the Superior's fury. What? A single, one-peso worth of text?! Seriously, someone needs a course on Anger Management more than I do. 

What irks me here is a statement made by an outsider whom I did not even risk involving in my situation. An unsollicited advice is more unwelcome than a statement that everything is gonna be alright (rock a by).

I do not require anybody to see my side. I am grateful to those who have chosen to believe in me after serious consideration of the situation I am in. I do not require help--I don't need it. I don't ask anybody to defend me nor stand up for me. Last but not the least, I do not need any unsollicited advice particularly from people who dare not save their asses.

They are hypocrites. They suffer. They complain. However, when push comes to shove, they hide or worse, they purr like cats. I don't take advice nor warning from animals who can't do anything to save themselves. Are they going to act like my saviors when they can't even stop complaining? Can't they even solve their problems first before they try to solve mine? (I don't even consider myself in hot waters)

"Socially inferior animals are the ones that make the most strenuous, resourceful efforts to get to know their keepers. They prove to be the ones most faithful to them, most in need of their company, least likely to challenge them or be difficult."

This is another quote I got from Life of Pi. I have to thank Sherwin for lending me the book. AND YES, I DARE TO DROP NAMES IN MY OWN BLOG.

Deconstructing the quote a bit, I therefore conclude that the strong animals thrive without being pets. They run free in the wild and they live for a longer period of time.

I have existed in this world for 24 years and in those years, I have learned to solve my own problems without  anyone helping me even my parents. Thank God, I don't need to suck up with my Superiors just to have a name for myself. 

Should I get terminated from my current job, the battle would have been won. Not by them, the superior, nor the snakes they have for pets but by me. It is not like this is the only job in the world. Aside from that, who has heard of a an employee being fired because she has edited her Boss' Memo? If I would be the first, then I would have my name posted in the Guiness Book of World Records. That would be remarkable.

a snake in paradise

Just when you thought that you were safe in your own paradise, a tiny black snake would come and bite you in your vulnerability. However, just like God has promised, Eve shall strike the snake with her heels, you would eventually learn how to crush the snake no matter how clever or poisonous it looked. In the end, you would have the upper hand. You would heal. You would be stronger whereas the snake would be forever dead, and it could only look at you through ghostly eyes.

I could never write how betrayed I felt after learning that my slyness had been reported to the Superior. More than feeling bad, I felt pity for that person who has chosen to betray just to suck up to the Higher Up. What courage this Snake had or didn't have, I do not know, but it surely took him/her an utmost effort to suck someone else's balls to get ahead.

I shall never look at this event in my life regretfully. I have learned so much. 1)People who don't posses the amount of bravery I have take other routes to feel they are better. 2) I will go directly to the Superior to edit his works right at his face, 3) (yes, I learned) I can simply fence unimportant people out of my life.

What a great day this is, as if I were in Paradise, with a dead snake underneath my heels!