When Students are Away...

...the teachers play!

16 months, thank God

Bourne Legacy

Russ, Jec, Gerard

Flavors of China
SM The Block
Didn't like the show that much

State of Euphoria

It was the first time we went to see a movie together, just the two of us. Real Steel, Hunger Games, and Avengers, we saw them all with kins and friends but The Dark Knight Rises? We were on our own. It was just about time. It has been a year since we got in this relationship and it was only then that we got to see a movie.

I guess the timing was just right that it was a Batman movie. He is the Joker, I am his Harley and what better movie was there to watch but his archenemy's?

The movie was great and all but I was preoccupied with his presence. He was just inches away from me. He gingerly held my hand and sometimes kissed it. There were some scenes that I caught him looking at me instead of the screen. But of course, there were also times it was the other way around. He looked happy...

After feasting our eyes on black suits and capes, we wanted to fill our stomachs with something we haven't tried before. The original plan was Army Navy, Brothers Burgers or Wham Burger. He had a craving then for burgers. After seeing the movie though, he wanted to have rice. We looked at Bon Chon's menu but since i could not find anything extraordinary there, I suggested looking for something else. We ended up having our dinner in Teriyaki Boy.

After that he accompanied me to the cab terminal and we parted ways like what we used to. I was already in the cab when he remembered that he was supposed to get his ankle support from me which we bought in Toby's earlier that day. He went back to the terminal but my cab had already started moving. We resolved the problem by agreeing to see each other on Tuesday.

Come to think of it, it had been a normal day, a normal date but I loved the day and I love the man I was with. I was happy. I still am.

I don't know how long it is going to last but I'm going to cherish each moment I am with him so I won't have any regrets.

Savoring the Pain of Heartbreak

“I’m smiling but I’m dying, trying not to drag my feet…” The Script, Nothing

I was one of the Masters of Ceremony in our school assembly. I also needed to manage the WCC Music Club. I tried not to look stressed. I tried not thinking about it. In the deepest recesses of my heart, I knew I couldn’t.

How could I easily break a one-year habit of texting him ‘good morning’? How could I keep myself from wishing him goodnight when it used to be a routine? How could I suddenly cut ties with a person I fell so deeply in love with?

How could he do so much without me?

I even wore a pink dress today…

I tried to smile…

I tried to be happy…

I tried to shrug it off…

But the pain kept on haunting me. The toughest ones came at night when I had to think of how to get through another day without him.

It was hard to breathe.

I only had sleep to numb me and my dreams to keep me from falling apart. If I could, I would stay in those dreams where I could cuddle in his arms and forget everything but him. But I know those dreams could only prepare me for an even tougher pain that the next day has to offer. Nothing more.

I will only have to keep on smiling until I die inside.

Broken

One week after our anniversary

A week before my birthday

He got tired.

He did not want to see me.

He did not want to receive any message from me.

He wanted space.

He wanted to move on.

He did not feel the same and he was trying to figure things out.

The problem was he did not ask how I felt.

And that’s when it hurt.

Because that meant he didn’t care anymore.

Karma of a Lone Lonely Loner

Last Friday, I did not go to work due to a respiratory problem. A day before that, I already found it difficult to breathe. Whenever I did, I felt a sharp pain traveling down my chest. It was not a good feeling. It was as if somebody was trying to cut my chest vertically from the inside. I could not even swallow food well.

It was as if it was a sin to breathe.

The day after, I did not go to work and decided to give my self a well earned rest.

This week Friday, my Co-Enrollment Advisers are absent. Syme, Ms. A, Sir Bien. If in our lineup last week I was the only one absent, this week , I am the only one present. Sir Bien has to meet his father, Ms A needs to follow up her thesis in her Masters, and Syme...well, I do not know where he is because up until this moment, I am not receiving his messages although I have sent a couple already asking for his whereabouts. I have a feeling that he went with Ms A to help her with her experiment.

I am on my lonesome. I don't have someone to talk with. All I can see are empty stations, the three desktop computers are all staring blankly at me. If that's not enough, the desktop that I am using mocks me of the things that I have to finish...alone.

I reckon this is pay-back time for being absent last Friday.

-------
It somehow strengthens my missing Russ. By the way, he's coming back this evening. Oh God, I can't wait for him to come back safe and sound. What's more is I can't wait to see him for tomorrow's movie watching.


[update: Syme has texted me saying that this is my time to have a heart to heart talk with ______.]

[more updates: I have taken photos of the workplace and myself... I think I will edit the photos first before posting them here.]

On a Jetplane II

It is our 10th month.

It would not have mattered had he stayed in Manila. We don't usually celebrate monthsaries anyway. When we do, we have post or pre monthsary celebration

What made this day different is he is in Cagayan , working. It is the first time we spent our day too far from one another. I cannot go to him when I miss him. He cannot console me with a hug when I have my petty whims.

I know it should not be a big deal.

It is not a big deal because when comes back we will see Avengers with our friends.

The day has gone well. I was not in the airport to send him off but he updated me of his whereabouts through texts. He even called to assure me he would be all right.

As I am typing this entry, he is fixing computers for GMA Network-Cagayan. He is having a good time and I am having my own share of happiness.

Still, this day would have been better.

Happy 10th monthsary, Joe Kerr.

on a jetplane

Last Saturday, Russ got injured in a ball game. It was a tough basketball fight since his team was aiming for straight wins. They did win three times in a row. In the last game, Russ slipped and landed on the wrong side of his foot. It looked like he sacrificed it for  that very important third game.

This Thursday, he is going to fly to Cagayan and I am worried. So worried. He has recuperated, I know, since it has been four days since the accident but I can't help it.

Aside from that...

I do not want him to go.

Yes, it is part of his job. I know it is only for a day. I actually keep telling this to myself.

Still...

There are so many things that can happen within a day and as of this moment I can only think of the what-ifs.

Hadn't he injured his foot, I would be worrying less but he did, so I am like this.

The person who is nervous is not the guy who will be having his first airplane ride. It is I who will be waiting for his return.

I am already missing my Chipmunk.

hot summer somber days

It's freaking hot in the Philippines right now that I want to be somewhere else...

I don't have my salary yet. It has been four days already. I cannot use the freaking internet because I don't have my salary. I don't have blog entries for the last two weeks of March and even if I did, I wouldn't  be able to publish it anyway.

I have been busy computing the grades of my students, and getting myself cleared and, recently, making the module for the first semester. My mind has also become busy conjuring half-baked fanfictions. Still, a part of me is busy reflecting what things have gone wrong.

The weather isn't helping me one bit. I am not one with those who rejoice because it is summer and they can enjoy the beach and all.  Summer afterall is a season that can figuratively brighten and lighten up anybody. Since I am not just anybody, I do not share this ideology. Summer tans and darkens everyone- that I agree.

When I get my salary, one of the things I will buy is a fan. Then, I can half-enjoy summer, soaking up in its paradox.

siesta

120312

It's the last week of the semester and it is natural for students to feel the excitement for summer vacation and anxiety for their last requirements. Teachers, particularly those who are through with their lectures and two-thirds of the grades, on the otherhand are more relaxed.

That is the reason I kept telling myself as I am guilty of sleeping in the faculty room for hours.

I do not know what got me but I was really sleepy. I could hardly open my eyes to talk with my coteachers. I did not pay attention to what was happening around me. All I wanted was to sleep and sleep I did.

I had a tete-a-tete with Mr. Slumber for two hours. I woke just in time to prepare for my next class. I knew I slept in the middle of recording quizzes. I had nothing to worry about because my other classes were working their butts off in rehearsing for the final presentations. When I woke up, I only had to prepare coffee for myself and wait for my next class.

I don't think the power nap did anything good to me. Instead of refreshing me, it made me all the more sleepy. It made me miss the house, the comfortable bed, the pillows, the blanket...

Zzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzz  

SunDate

Russell planned our Sunday date for the first time. We had arguments the night before and other nights before that about small matters and he had decided to seal these complications with one date. He had exchanged schedules just so we could spend this Sunday together. Sweet.

As usual, we met in SM North but unlike the other times, he accompanied me to the shops I had been wanting to visit. He tried not to look like he was being forced to visit a lion's den and instead he looked interested in the things I wanted. We checked stuffed toys shops because he had planned to buy me a Pikachu but I refused since it can wait. We were in a rather tight budget nowadays and I would not be happy having a stuffed toy despite knowing that my boyfriend was stretching his food allowance.

We stayed longer in SM North as we savored green mangoes in Sky Garden. It was the first time that we talked in that area. It was a nice change from the airconditioned shops. While basking in the setting sun and feeling the fresh breeze on our faces, we talked about our argument and how we could make our relationship better.

After that, we jumped to Trinoma to belt our voices out in Timezone. We sang alternative songs and we competed for the top scores. I got two perfect scores and he got one out of 8-9 songs that we sang. Hah! Midway in our singing competition, I got conscious because the number of people waiting to get in the Music Zone increased. He shooed my worries away when he reminded me of how long we had waited for our chance. Without anxiousness left, I continued searching for songs.

We rewarded ourselves with humble food for dinner. We went to Paotsin in Trinoma Foodcourt and ate dumplings. Yum! We reminisced the first dates that we had. He corrected some of the details that I could remember and I corrected his. I told him, my mom likes him a lot and he told me that it was good since it was a part of his well-structured plan: to  woo the people around the girl before he gets the amore of the girl. The night before, he had told my mother through chat how much he loved me…but that’s another story.

Our date would not be complete without our usual coffee. We bought two venti-cups of coffee from Starbucks and we sat near the fountains of Trinoma.

There were so many things to talk about in that tranquil garden-like area. He conveyed his thoughts about my behavior and how it affects us. I told him things that I try to change in me. He shared his plans for his Wasart business and I told him he could expect my support. We also took note of the things we would like to do this summer and he suddenly remembered that we won’t be meeting this week until Sunday. He rejected that idea and he said that he would find a way for us to meet before Sunday, and he found it. We finally managed to get our schedules right so we can see each other on Tuesday and Wednesday.

As he walked me to the van terminal, I thought of why I love him--the fact that he may look indifferent and laid back in our relationship and yet he remains to have a stronger faith. I wondered how long he would puHe seemed to have read my thoughts because he said we would never be apart as long as we both mature in our relationship.

With his goodbye hug and kiss, the only word I can think of is Sweet.

Maria. Shopping and Making Up

Unlike most of my Wednesdays spent in staying at home, doing the laundry, reading books, watching movies and animes, and writing, I went out and had a life like a normal human being enjoying her day off.

Maria and I did our best in patching things up and updating each other last Wednesday, 29th of February. We met in SM Megamall and bought some cosmetics to celebrate being girls. We don't usually buy makeup when we go to the mall so what we did yesterday was really saying something. We often hoard books every time we get the chance to go shopping together or we eat out.

Buying cosmetics has just come into our priority list this year. I need it in my field because I look more like a college student instead of a professor and this, by the way, is not an exaggeration. In her case, she has just come to an age where she feels she needs to put on cosmetics. She has lived a huge part of her life without them so she is just starting to experiment with brushes and palettes. Point is, when is she going to start if not right now?

When Maria is with me, I usually drop hints on what she has to buy or not particularly the shade of eyeshadow and blushers. Maria is more of a 'brand' person when it comes to body care so she then advises me of what brands are good for the skin and what are those that only give women a run for their money.

As for me, I usually buy makeup alone because I am quite indecisive and I don't want to be a burden to a companion. Once, Russ accompanied me but he just stayed in the corner. The feeling that someone important is waiting for me because of my caprice makes me quite guilty and that time I felt that with Russ, I rushed buying the things I had to buy.

The two-hour shopping Maria and I had last Wednesday was hassle-free since we were looking for the same things. It was symbolical in a way because as much as shopping is made easier when  done with someone with the same goal, so is making up with a friend.

As I walked along the busy streets branching from the golden Emerald Building, where Maria works in, to the busy Ortigas, all the tension that was building up in me disappeared all of a sudden.

It was a great Wednesday.

of sore throat and other drugs

I have intended to post an article about our school's college week but it needs more details and revisions so I am going to post this one instead. My rant today is about my anxiety amidst my sore throat period, how happy I have been when I got my voice back and how I am currently abusing it.

I have already written about my sore throat last Saturday and I think it is but fair that I write an update. It is for the sake of journal keeping.

Moving on...

I had a dilemma in the period that I lost my voice: what would I do if I would not get it back? I was seriously disturbed since I love my voice so much. I like to sing my favorite songs, to speak out my mind, to imitate famous and not so famous characters. I teach using my voice. I profess my love to those I care for. How would I do all of these without my voice?

I was in the verge of crying when Russ told me to stop thinking hysterically and focus instead on how I would get better.

I got my voice back last Monday morning, thank God, but I was prohibited to strain it until it has been fully restored. Until now, I feel uncomfortable speaking. My voice doesn't come out smoothly and every now and then I still cough.

Still, it is a liberating feeling being able to talk again. I have started singing in the bathroom once more. One of these days I will be able to start singing with the Nameless Band, yahoo.

However, my sore throat threatens to return. I have had lectures and discussions already which mean my voice box is in full blast once more. My throat has started to itch. My voice sounds rough and raspy for my taste, not the quality it has been known for.

I think I have to be good friends with Strepsils, Vicks Vapor Rub, and Ginger if I want to have a speedy recovery. All for the love of my voice, I will befriend them as soon as I get home so that I will be able to write something else aside from my sore throat.

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Photos of the seminar which triggered my sore throat.

Moi, and Gaile

moi and ms noriesta

my seminar yipeee

Symptoms of Changing for Good

How come when one is in a relationship, she does things uncommon for her to do and she even writes things she has promised not to write about? She is filled with this indescribable emotion that she has orginally promised she would put a label on. She is becoming a victim of an affair that she has planned to conquer.

 

She smiles at his funny text messages. Yet she smiles wider when she receives those sweet nothings that come only once in a blue moon. Her heart throbs loudly and painfully when they are apart but it beats the loudest when they are near one another. She misses him so much when they have not seen each other for several days but she misses him the most a day after they have dated.

Lately she has to decide not only for herself but her partner. The once Selfish Individual has become a Considerate Person.

Can it be that this person has changed?

No. This person cannot have changed so easily. It is just her positive characteristics that glow, outshining the negative ones. It is a cliche to say that her partner brings out the best in her but her actions already prove it.

'Oh it doesn't need a genius to know what these are symptoms of...'

She couldn't be inlove...because she is.

And I know I AM.

'Who can say if I have been changed for the better...but because I knew you...I have been changed for good."

-- a reflection after my date with Russ yesterday in Pizza Hut SM North Annex. 

Triumphant Love Stories

Unlike my past uncelebrated Valentine's Day, this year's has been quite busy for me. I purposely wanted to celebrate the season because it was the first time I would be doing so as a person-in-a-relationship. Besides, there was another reason to celebrate and that was the birth of the Music Club.

Or should I say rebirth?

The organization was established late last semester and the responsibility of moderating the club fell on my shoulders. Unfortunately, I was not able to handle my job pretty well. Last semester's performance was way below our standards. Since I am the kind of person who hates committing the same mistakes, I promised we would come back with a vengeance.

And when I say Vengeance, I mean it.

That was why I worked my head off, and asked the kids to do the same thing just to have an event solely for the Music Club. I reckon we learned and experienced a lot of things from preparing and performing in our first Concert: Love Stories.

In the process, I saw real talents under pressure. Those were the ones who brought instruments during rehearsals despite their bags were already full and heavy of books and academic materials. They also initiated decorating the venue, and inviting their fellow students to watch their performances. On the other hand, I also saw raw people who were not yet ready for a full blown performance. Quite a number of students were dropped from the performance because of their attendance and behavior in the rehearsals.

JL the guitarist

Jen, guitarist

 

I also received support coming from different people. Russ and his family gave me encouragement. Our nameless Band even provided additional equipment and performed in the concert. Teachers and the Admin Staff invited students to watch. Ms. A and Syme actually supported me from the very beginning.

So how was the concert?

Syme, singing his head off.haha

The Sit-In Band hehe

lovely ladies of the club

the dashing emcee of the program, Syme

As part of the audience, I was quite subjective to say that it was successful. Having the commendations of my co-teachers and students strengthened the belief that it had been great. However, the proofs that had sealed all doubts out of my head were the speeches of our administrators:

"This concert is a proof of the passion of the Music Club. I would like to thank the initiative of  the club for celebrating the season because this is the first time Valentine's was celebrated in WCC."- Ms. Moral

 

"Next semester, we will have a room for the Music Club members and we will fill that room with equipment."- Mr. Gonzales

How did I feel?

I felt proud of, first, myself for successfully putting up the concert and of course my members who exerted their best. I also felt victorious because I was able to fulfill my promise to give them a better stage. Lastly, I felt a sense of accomplishment that I had not felt before.

We were able to make the audience happy and entertained.

We were able to satisfy our administrators.

The greatest achievement of all was the smiles on the members’ faces after their last song number. Those smiles were of triumph.

We were able to redeem ourselves.

jl, wendy, meryll, moi, jen, madel, johnray, christelle, syme, chacha, jane
The Music Club

To God be the Glory.

gerard, russ, moi, rye, chuck