sunset from my--and my brothers'--room

“Do I easily get tired of people?” is one question I often ask nowadays. There are some instances in my life that I let go of people as soon as I meet them. I even cut ties from ‘friends’ I have been with for a long time. The answer has come to me sooner than I have expected and as usual, God has played tricks and He has sent it through the most unlikely person and thing. I don’t easily get tired of people. I only lose my interest in those who don’t offer much challenge because I can’t see myself growing with them.

I live in this Earth for a purpose worth of more than being stagnant water in some dirty canal. There is no room in my social bubble for those who can’t strive with me. If society can be symbolized by the ecosystem, I’d rather be the weed competing for sunlight than a blossom plagued with aphids. Flowers wither and die. Weeds—well, you can see them even in unexpected places.

머르겠어

One of the few things that I think about these days is how normal people abusively say “I can’t…” and “I don’t know.”

The principle that I have been living up to is “the worst for me is to know that I didn’t succeed because I didn’t try.” A longer version of the saying “try and try until you succeed.”

All right, people might argue that we don’t have to try everything to learn about things, to learn that we can’t do them.

Of course. Every thing starts with knowing that we don’t know and admitting it but it shouldn’t stop there. We shouldn’t stop at knowing and proclaiming that we don’t know. When should we stop saying that we are uneducated?

It’s only sad that sometimes, people give up at this point…

I can’t help but think that probably, for these people, “learning is a continuous process” is just a cliché. They only go for a set of “trial and error” and when they find that a particular field is as easy as pie, they neglect the more challenging fields because they “can’t” and they “don’t know.”

The issue of practicality and convenience yet again. So they settle for less. Yeah, what’s wrong with that... Aspiring for more only leads to more effort and tons of frustration.

But here’s one thing…some people with disabilities can do even more than these “mentally” incapacitated human beings (mentally because what they “feel” is only in their minds…or not in them). The disabled can sing, can dance, can climb mountains. But normal people “can’t” learn…Why do these “handicapped” (sorry for the derogatory term for lack of better one) have more drive than those who are more fortunate?

Is it because they, the lucky ones, don’t have to prove themselves anything?

For my part, I wonder how they can be helped when they don’t, “can’t”, “don’t know” (how to) help themselves.

I actually lose my affection for these people. I even lose my patience—an indicator that somehow I still care and I hate it that I care for their welfare that they are very much willing to get rid of.

what is the most important sound for you?

for me the most important sound is the sound of breathing. It's a significant proof of living.

who would you like to meet and spend the whole day with

Some people would call choosing one among my family members hypocricy. Obviously they expect me to choose my former-or-current-or-future knight on a white steed--I do not deny that. I hope to meet "him" one day. However, if i were given a chance to meet and spend the whole day with someone, I would definitely choose my grandmother.

Lola Pacita Ybasco y Frio brought me up. She never told me than "honesty is a virtue" and "time is gold." She showed me how to live.

There was even a time when I gave more importance to her than to my own mother. But that ended sometime in 2004 when I learned that I needed to move forward and tears could not bring her back. And probably, she wouldn't like me to be too hard with my mother.

Not a day passes by that I wouldn't regret that I didn't tell her how much she meant and means to me before she died.

So given a chance like that, I would want to hold her hand again as we walk along the streets of Makati at dawn. and simply tell her that she was and still is my childhood. and I could only look back at my childhood with her in mind.

My lola shared a part of her life with me and I am proud to choose her against princes-or-knights on horses in the world.