dogs that bark with their tails between their legs

Perhaps reading Life of Pi has started to influence how I think that I begin to see people with their distinct behavior and their respective places in the society as animals. Yep, animals.

Today I am going to write about dogs.

I love dogs. Really. I love the big ones, those that look clever and tough. They look like they can protect you from any trouble. In fact, my favorite one is Alaskan Malamute and the second one is Siberian Husky. I, however, don't own one. 

Well I used to. Its name was Thunder, a brown puppy my father bought when I was in Elementary. He was very remarkable. It wasn't afraid of rain nor thunder. I saw it once enjoying the rain. It died after two months, June 20, Fathers' Day. It was very dear to me that I did not love any dog after him.

The dog that I am going to describe today is far from my Thunder. Very far. 

This dog barks so loudly. It yaps and yaps. It wouldn't have been a problem seeing this dog if it had something to show for. That's it. It doesn't. It pretends to be a great dog--a Great Dane perhaps-- but it isn't. It wants to have a breed. However, even the most idiotic person in the world knows that a dog's breed is not determined by its bark. There are several factors: coat, height, length, muzzle, and behavior. A mongrel can never be a Golden Retriever, nor a German Shepherd no matter how it acts high and mightily.

Dogs will always wag their tails when they want to gain favor, when they want their owners to toss bones to them.This dog is the same. It barks and wags its tail to its superior, shows his teeth while lolling its tongue. What is it fed with? Scraps! Leftovers! It doesn't get the meat but it sucks the juice of the bones or even its own shit. When problems arise, it doesn't leave its master yet doesn't defend its Superior either. It hides behind his Master's pants and barks with its tails between its legs. How pitiful! Pathetic! Wretched and undignified little thing (redundancy intended)!

Given this, does it deserve my time? Nunca. I have more things to devote my time in.

How do I get rid of it?

I don't try to. Why? It doesn't exist in my world! Getting rid of it means acknowledging its existence and its significance. I acknowledge the presence of mongrels anywhere but I don't believe they matter much.

submissive and dominant animals

"When two creatures meet, the one that is able to intimidate its opponent is recognized socially superior, so that a social decision does not always depend on a fight; an encounter in some circumstances may be enough." - Hediger (1950)

I got this quote from the Life of Pi.

By the way, I haven't made up my mind on getting back on track in this blog but one thing is for sure, I will be posting from time to time this summer. Fortunately, we have a computer with internet access. Yep, out of 5 computers available for faculty assistants, only one has internet access. Besides, my situation needs it.

Last Friday, I wrote about a slithering snake in our midst. Well, it seems that issue isn't finished yet and it is going from bad to worse. I heard from a reliable source that the one who professed caring for me was the one who reported my text to my dear Superior. Sheesh. This text, the source said, became the trigger to the Superior's fury. What? A single, one-peso worth of text?! Seriously, someone needs a course on Anger Management more than I do. 

What irks me here is a statement made by an outsider whom I did not even risk involving in my situation. An unsollicited advice is more unwelcome than a statement that everything is gonna be alright (rock a by).

I do not require anybody to see my side. I am grateful to those who have chosen to believe in me after serious consideration of the situation I am in. I do not require help--I don't need it. I don't ask anybody to defend me nor stand up for me. Last but not the least, I do not need any unsollicited advice particularly from people who dare not save their asses.

They are hypocrites. They suffer. They complain. However, when push comes to shove, they hide or worse, they purr like cats. I don't take advice nor warning from animals who can't do anything to save themselves. Are they going to act like my saviors when they can't even stop complaining? Can't they even solve their problems first before they try to solve mine? (I don't even consider myself in hot waters)

"Socially inferior animals are the ones that make the most strenuous, resourceful efforts to get to know their keepers. They prove to be the ones most faithful to them, most in need of their company, least likely to challenge them or be difficult."

This is another quote I got from Life of Pi. I have to thank Sherwin for lending me the book. AND YES, I DARE TO DROP NAMES IN MY OWN BLOG.

Deconstructing the quote a bit, I therefore conclude that the strong animals thrive without being pets. They run free in the wild and they live for a longer period of time.

I have existed in this world for 24 years and in those years, I have learned to solve my own problems without  anyone helping me even my parents. Thank God, I don't need to suck up with my Superiors just to have a name for myself. 

Should I get terminated from my current job, the battle would have been won. Not by them, the superior, nor the snakes they have for pets but by me. It is not like this is the only job in the world. Aside from that, who has heard of a an employee being fired because she has edited her Boss' Memo? If I would be the first, then I would have my name posted in the Guiness Book of World Records. That would be remarkable.

a snake in paradise

Just when you thought that you were safe in your own paradise, a tiny black snake would come and bite you in your vulnerability. However, just like God has promised, Eve shall strike the snake with her heels, you would eventually learn how to crush the snake no matter how clever or poisonous it looked. In the end, you would have the upper hand. You would heal. You would be stronger whereas the snake would be forever dead, and it could only look at you through ghostly eyes.

I could never write how betrayed I felt after learning that my slyness had been reported to the Superior. More than feeling bad, I felt pity for that person who has chosen to betray just to suck up to the Higher Up. What courage this Snake had or didn't have, I do not know, but it surely took him/her an utmost effort to suck someone else's balls to get ahead.

I shall never look at this event in my life regretfully. I have learned so much. 1)People who don't posses the amount of bravery I have take other routes to feel they are better. 2) I will go directly to the Superior to edit his works right at his face, 3) (yes, I learned) I can simply fence unimportant people out of my life.

What a great day this is, as if I were in Paradise, with a dead snake underneath my heels!

apple

Hey, you guys. I know I have been gone for a very long while and I think by now some of you have lost interest in my blog since I am not updating so often. I owe you an apology so...

Sorry!

Even though it is summer I still do a lot of things in school being an Enrollment Adviser/ Module Writer/ Curriculum Developer and all. I also have the time to write.

What I don't have are two things: first is a good internet connection at home, and secondly, the drive.

I don't have any reason to bring my netbook to school (which by the way is a haven of free wifi connection) since I use a trusty desktop there to write my module with but it doesn't have an access to the internet. I also save my money for more important things than the load of my broadband. Therefore, no matter how much I write and how many blog entries I have produced, I cannot publish them whenever I want. As you may have noticed I have just recently published my blog about Hunger Games although I have written it last month.

As regards the drive, there are so many topics to write about this summer and I have participated in several activities that I want to put them in my blog. However, the heat of the season makes me feel so lazy and I end up writing about something else or not writing at all.

I will try my very best to update as often as I can. I know the only way to do that is to sacrifice my USB and connect it to different ports (goodness gracious, my usb is becoming a whore). Good thing my boyfriend is an IT. He gives an additional feeling of security.

I will be posting the blogs I have meant to post this April in their respective schedule and hopefully I will be able to write on time after,

Ja ne



By the way while you're at it, check out my new fanfiction in fanfiction.net under Prince of Tennis: 

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8054539/1/

hot summer somber days

It's freaking hot in the Philippines right now that I want to be somewhere else...

I don't have my salary yet. It has been four days already. I cannot use the freaking internet because I don't have my salary. I don't have blog entries for the last two weeks of March and even if I did, I wouldn't  be able to publish it anyway.

I have been busy computing the grades of my students, and getting myself cleared and, recently, making the module for the first semester. My mind has also become busy conjuring half-baked fanfictions. Still, a part of me is busy reflecting what things have gone wrong.

The weather isn't helping me one bit. I am not one with those who rejoice because it is summer and they can enjoy the beach and all.  Summer afterall is a season that can figuratively brighten and lighten up anybody. Since I am not just anybody, I do not share this ideology. Summer tans and darkens everyone- that I agree.

When I get my salary, one of the things I will buy is a fan. Then, I can half-enjoy summer, soaking up in its paradox.

I've always loved to be in the spot light 

but it feels good being at the background and getting a bird's eye view of things.

it makes me learn things in a different more mature perspective.




i think i've grown up all of a sudden.

anything japanese

found this hankie while looking for joyce's bandana. isn't it cute...although i can' understand a thing, the pictures tell a lot. Chezuka, Yeobo, Atobe, can you translate it?

time to shuffle-Crazy

The Rules:

1. Put your ITunes, Windows Media Player etc. on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

=====================

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?

-Until I fall in love again - david pomeranz (oh boy, this is weird)

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?

-White Horse- taylor swift (eh?)

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

-Someday-nickleback (this is going nowhere)

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

-Topsy Turvy- from disney's hunchback of notredame (now that's saying something)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

-Cry- mandy moore (what?!!)

6. WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?

-I'll be- edwin mccain ( hehe...)

  

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

-I hate you-2pm (haha...this is great)

  

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

-So small -carrie underwood (er--right)

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

-wo nan guo-5566 ( i was about to cheat myself and press the next button. ..this is crazy)

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?

-Breathing-lifehouse (hmmm)

11. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

-You're beautiful-jason blunt (ha!)

  

12. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

-Gather- ao to bin to kan (prince of tennis ost--yahoo...i'll be in tenimyu...haha)

13. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

-Stop and stare-one republic (hehe...this makes sense)

  

14. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

-Tearing up my heart-n'sync (what the...my wedding's going to be groovy.)

15. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

-After the love has gone-earth wind and fire (this is amazing.)

16. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/lINTEREST?

-Rock with you-michael jackson (hang on ...i am still laughing

17. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

-Only one day -SS501 (eh?)

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

-fall for you--second hand serenade (hmmm) 

19. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?

-I, Ng--shiraishi kuronosuke ( i should have set my playlist with all the english songs before i answered this)

20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

-Ikaw pa rin--Juana (this should have been my revenge for number 7 but crap)

21. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

-crazy -simple plan....(yes this is)

random thoughts on friendship and wasted effort

I get reprimanded for not giving any effort in friendship. I don't mind. In fact, sometimes I think I give too much. Then I stop.
For me, if friendship requires effort, then it's unfair. There will always be one who is going to give more. If people find it comforting to know that they have done their best in friendship even if it is already at the brink of destruction, I want to find myself in the safest zone. 

Right.The fear of wasting my affection for people who don't give a single damn about me is too strong.

sunset from my--and my brothers'--room

“Do I easily get tired of people?” is one question I often ask nowadays. There are some instances in my life that I let go of people as soon as I meet them. I even cut ties from ‘friends’ I have been with for a long time. The answer has come to me sooner than I have expected and as usual, God has played tricks and He has sent it through the most unlikely person and thing. I don’t easily get tired of people. I only lose my interest in those who don’t offer much challenge because I can’t see myself growing with them.

I live in this Earth for a purpose worth of more than being stagnant water in some dirty canal. There is no room in my social bubble for those who can’t strive with me. If society can be symbolized by the ecosystem, I’d rather be the weed competing for sunlight than a blossom plagued with aphids. Flowers wither and die. Weeds—well, you can see them even in unexpected places.

one speed only

Pascual Liner got it from me awhile ago. I gave the bus driver and the conductor a piece of my mind. It was my second time riding a bus from the same company and nothing changed: the bus was too slow. It was a déjà vu indeed. Speaking from the point of view of someone who rides the killer buses in Novaliches, this is definitely saying something. I felt that I should have taken a jeepney for all my money’s worth. Really. There was no difference. The bus kept on stopping at corners every two minutes or so—I was listening to my playlist as usual and I observed that a song did not finish without the bus stopping. Nothing would have ignited my anger, and I was even thinking that it was mere coincidence that the bus was Pascual Liner yet again, and I did not want to over generalize that company. What triggered my temper was the fact that more jeepneys passed us by. It was unnerving. At first, I only stomped my feet. The next time it happened, I already voiced my exasperation: Can’t this bus run any faster?

Not caring even if the other passengers gawked at me, I got off the bus. They could all stink in that bus for all I cared. All I had in mind was to get another bus that would run faster. Good thing I did.

Yup, I wasted my money but I got the sheer pleasure knowing that I had been right all along. That bus had one speed only. My second bus passed it along C-5.

I vow not to ride any bus from the same company. I don’t care even if they have different drivers, different buses and I doubt that they will notice that they miss one passenger from the thousands of people in my area. All I know is twice is enough.

stinking bug...i hate it. I am itchy all over

There are things about me that I want to convey and let other people know. That is why I have a blog in the first place. There, whether it’s updated or not, I say what I think is good enough to be shared and I keep the rest to myself or to my well-chosen friend. Therefore, if I have something I keep from you, then that means you are not meant to know it. Neither have you the right to share it because how can you share something you are not entitled to. You are stealing something from me and the worse thing is I can’t imprison you for it. What’s the worst thing? The fact that you know me and yet you do this.

I have had enough of being threatened. I think it’s high time that criminals realize that we are more powerful than they are. Not because they hold knives and guns that it means we have to endure their threats. How many people are there in a bus or in a jeepney against 2-5 people who have flimsy weapons? We SHOULD NOT be afraid of them. THEY should be afraid of us. These people should not feel that they are strong. They should be ashamed of themselves until they decide to just erase themselves from the face of the earth.

Or else…

Go Charizard, I choose you! Fire blast!!! 

lying and I

Niou Masaharu

I am not going to proclaim that I am a Holden Caulfield, the biggest liar that I can ever meet . The mere idea is too pretentious to me. I will be satisfied by labeling myself as Niou, the trickster. 


There is more to him in me than Kikumaru Eiji and Fuji Syuusuke put together, I have just figured out. The ability to mask who we really are is but a flick of our fingers.

Being the best, he can immediately sense sugarcoated sins, bedazzling bluffs and incoherent inconsistencies. Having these capabilities, he forms a different picture of who he wants people to see him as. He does not point out their stupidity. It gives him excitement seeing them make a fool of themselves trying to make him believe. How he savors the look on their faces when they think they have convinced him! What is more is he relishes the idea that people will soon entangle themselves to their self-images like the puppets he often uses. And he, Niou Masaharu, will be patiently waiting at the finish line to cut the strings and crush them.

 It's a part of the fic I have written about him that you can find in: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6754601/1/

on blogging

It’s too late for resolutions now but I did promise myself (witnessed by quite a number of people) that I will update my blog as often as I can. And to avoid breaking it, I posted pictures (since as they say, a picture paints a thousand words)—a lousy excuse actually.  But I hope I can keep this since I’m always online and I do use my pc as soon as I get home.

Also, I think I need to modify that goal since I can post pictures every time I feel lazy in writing long blog posts. However, I don’t feel like posting the changes here, otherwise people will judge me (if they care and dare).

Lastly, since I’m pretty lazy again, I’m posting this picture (my picture….vain vain vain). Well it’s only once in a blue moon people can see me wearing pink so I guess it’s worth posting…hehe.

“I waste a lot of time pretending to people, and the joke of it is, I don’t think I ever deceive any one. There are too many of my kind; people know us on sight.”

—	Carl Linstrum, Willa Cather O Pioneers!

0911 my top ear candies

*wah…I woke up early to retain my record of “days not late for work” only to turn in our office 45 minutes late. How bad can it get…I usually love rain…and heaven gave me much time admiring it in its glory…stuck in 2-hour traffic… creep.

1.       alanis morisette- ironic—this song really summarizes everything for me

2.       train- calling all angels—I should have called them earlier…

3.       shinee- hello—how I wished someone had said a “hello” to me in the ride…

4.       goo goo dolls-name—I even almost forgot my name back there

5.       the script- end where I begin—wah…I wish my favorite day would end

6.       faber drive- second chance—I blew my chances already

7.       lifehouse- storm—right, lifehouse, thank you

8.       nickleback- savin me—how I wish

9.       remy zero—save me—really now…this one of the few moments that I think the world needs a superhero

10.   coldplay—fix you—after all is said and done, yup, I think I need fixing

you are unique just like any one else. that doesn't make you unique at all.

that's the problem

…so much for confessing uniqueness

wallflower

If you are looking for a wallflower that you have for a date, you don’t need to look far and wide. I volunteer.

I have always considered myself as an assertive and competitive person but when it comes to gatherings, I am a perfect wallflower. I don’t want myself to be noticed by anyone. It’s enough for me to be a bystander and just look upon things. I won’t even dress up to catch attention. Most probably, I’ll just wear the clothes I usually wear depending on the occasion’s needs.

That’s why I can’t understand people who keep on dressing up to catch attention but don’t want to be looked at. Whenever I hear them complain, I only smile and try to tell them how obviously their dresses attract attention. Their situation is quite comic for me.

But I guess it goes the same way for me—it’s comical that I still manage to go to parties and remain a faceless nobody. I might as well not go to the party. Hehe. I don’t need anyone to notice me in some party in order to enjoy it, though.

I may not be the life of a party, but I am sure I’m safe… Wallflowers don’t get into trouble that much.

Death has been confronting me from all sides.

Death has been confronting me from all sides. The first time was when I almost lost my life in a hold-upping (is there such a word) scene. The second confrontation was when I learned that my highschool classmate and buddy Jerome Juralbal died because of his eye infection. The third one was when I was informed that my high school principal died.

I am afraid of death, definitely. I am so afraid of it that I don’t want it to catch me off guard. I want to face it bravely. I just can’t stop with being afraid of it. I know I couldn’t possibly avoid Death just like I can’t avoid being afraid of Freddy Kruger. But I can definitely do something to make my life worthwhile—spend every minute of my life by savoring the fact that it’s good to be alive.

 As much as possible, I make every day special. I keep records of my daily experiences because I don’t want to be remembered as just another person who has lived. No one knows when I will be gone.

I don’t know why but it concerns me that I should finish all of my desires before I die. But of course, it would be very impossible to do that. My life is not a version, of Nicholas Sparks’ “A Walk to Remember.” I cannot depend on somebody to fulfill my dreams for me because, as it is, that somebody is yet to be given to me. All I can do for the mean time is to spend time with people special to me, be they friends or family. To tell them how much they mean to me. And to create memories that can mean me so much to them.

This might sound pathetic. But I can’t let these thoughts be buried with me until god-knows-when, literally and figuratively.