giving a damn to quitters

I have never been a fan of quitters. Being competitive, I excel more when I a challenged, when I am bullied. I don't stop until I get my own share of the cake. That is why I can't understand people who quit without trying. I hate weaklings who half-heartedly do things they are asked to do--just because they don't like to? They don't have the potentials? Their groups mates don't like them? to hell. They haven't even tried doing the tasks. In their minds they limit themselves to a category and never venture into deeper waters.

It's foolish. They keep on saying "Knowing what you cannot do is more important than knowing what you can do." Well, that's a whole lot of a crappy alibi. It doesn't give them a sacred reason to refuse a task. As if everyone is asking them to jump from the King's tower and die.

Haven't I quitted once,you ask? Of course, I have. I am a human being. I used to quit in a lot of things before I learned that " The words 'I CAN'T' are better used sparingly. I give importance to the things I can't do but I don't let them stop me. I don't give a damn if it is hard as long as I have to do them(and if the task is worth the try) then I will.

Should I care if people don't like me? I won't let them affect me. I won't give them a reason to like me either. I don't care if they have stayed longer in the workplace. I am given the opportunity to stay in the same area because I am worthy and I must show that. They might as well die in frustration of kicking me out. When I have to leave--WHEN I REALLY HAVE TO QUIT, I'll make sure that I will leave something good, something to amrk the place that I once have been there. I WON"T LEAVE WITHOUT A FIGHT.

i am wondering who knack really is

I was in high school when I started to write petty "novelettes" that run from 16-24 episodes. Why episodes? I was thinking of becoming a professional manga writer that time so my plots were episodic--divided into scenes even.

I 'finished' three 'books': MWF Knights which I dedicated to some peers, MickDenz which I did when I was still cheesy and all, and Azalea Azure (Strips of Light) which I am currently editing.

I asked my high school classmates to read my works since I was craving for attention--being a member of the honor society had its advantages and one of them was being socially unaccepted.

It was a good thing that the females reacted good naturedly about them. They were even decent enough to ask me what I planned to do next. Imagine the horror and disappointment I got when I asked the guys to criticize my works.

I would no thave been half so sad had I been close to the girls (which I was but not quite). However, being surrounded by overprotective boys at home, I felt it was asecond nature for me to be close with some of the boys at school.

Close as I was to them, they did not spare me and my humble masterpieces. they did not even glance at them.

Grr.

But my disappointment and frustration is not what I am supposed to write about here.

So moving on...

I settled myself asking girls about what they thought of my projects. They were able to get me through my first 2 works. I was so proud of myself back then that I forgot to breathe and started a new one, Azalea Azure.

Azalea Azure was supposed to be about a transferee adopting to a new school which is somehow similar to the story line of High School Musical. The difference is Azalea doesn't sing. She dances. And she transfered to Centerville High in her third year.

Also, Vim Havey is not the super bascketball player of the school--he's the vice captain unlike Troy Bolton who is always in the limelight.

One of the characters in Azalea Azure (Strips of Light, the edited version of AA is coming soon) is Knack Kaiser who is originally an imitation of Rukawa Kaede of Slam Dunk. He is a freshman competing against Vim in basketball.

knack- ability
kaiser- German emperor

One thing I put into Knack Kaiser is my voice. He is my mouth piece in the story. It is just unnerving that I had to put him somewhere at the 5th chapter just to establish the Azalea-Vim story (I am editing it now, most probably he'll come a little bit earlier).

As far as i can remember, I wasn't really the grade conscious girl that they thought I was. Probably just along the competitive line. Grades don't matter to me much up until now. What I was and still am after is the praise and acknowledgement that go along with the grades. In short, I could not be Azalea.

Next, although I am a fan of basketball, I could not and cannot find the proper words to use in describing the intense emotions evoked by the game. Definitely unlike Vim Havey. For his character I had and have to consult my brothers, watch NBA, and rewatch events in Slam Dunk.

So where does Knack come in. He comes in at the part when things become cofusing. He was and still is the silent type. One that intimidates without doing anything. That is how I like to picture myself. All my frustrations, all my angst and all my moodswings are vented out through him.

At the time my classmates read the (original) chapter 5, they figured out one thing.

Before I graduated from high school, a number of classmates already had tagged me as 'Knack' which was and is an advantage. I need not fuss over people claiming difficulty in pronouncing my name since I have a nickname I can boast. That is one of the reasons I use "knack"

The problem I see now is I am lost in using the name. Am I still to use it when I edit the story or should I use another name?

I am lost: am I trying to live up to the name or I am simply trying to tell every one that there is one one word that sums me up.

not worthless.

but knack.

一歳の誕生日の1ヶ月のお祝い

• last year i celebrated my birthday my birthday with my co-online teachers and employers somewhere in EDSA, Music 21. That's when I received my xpress music.
• also i remember i celebrated it with Randolph and Kath in SM Manila, Yellow Cab.
• And not to mention the Stranger was with me last year although he didn't know it was my birthday.

Two weeks have already passed since my 21st birthday, I know. But nada that i would let july go by without having an entry about the month-long celebration of my birthday.

• 10july, with 3-4, Ersao, P. Algue-- my advisory section gave me a Red Ribbon chocolate roll and a notebook containing greetings from them and my co-teachers. Yep, sweet. My section is sweet. They just can't help being a bother sometimes.
• 11july, with WG, CKSC-- had to work. first writing workshop of WG with me.
• ------, 1100 with 3-6, Shakey's, masangkay-- I had lunch--lunch btw was courtesy of kervin who celebrated his birthday last july 9.
• ------, 1400, SM Tayuman, treated myself with Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World.
• 13july, with 3-6 CKSC room, apostol, allan, jayson, jerome gibert, and ekstrom gave me a hand warmer. They had considered giving me a pair of room slippers but since they didn't know the size of my feet, they settled for the "stuffed-toy" which turned out to be a hand warmer.
• 15 July, Faculty--Sir Allan, Maam Llanado, Maam Mogro, Sir Buiza and I treated the faculty to lunch of spaghetti, bread and drinks. Don't forget the cake sponsored by Maam Llanado's students.
• ------, with Mama, SM Tayuman-- my mother and i had a date. i treated her to Jollibee since i got pretty stuffed up in school. we got hamburgers (i had considered taking her to tokyo tokyo but she didn't feel eating japy food). then we shopped for stocks at home.
• 21july, with 3-6 yet again--after a week since the hand warmer, ryan kyle gave me a bread key chain.
• 24july--lance andrew of 3-6 treated me to MOA--as part of his birthday gift for me or as part of his birthday celebration i don't know but then again it didn't matter. we, lance and some 3-4 students (stef, jolly, janie, grace, jd, danica, nico, jotham, jomar and wilberto) and i spent the day skating (well they skated, i just held unto the rinks railings: fortunately i didn't fall), window shopping, and getting lost in EDSA--nice experience it was. it's just that there was the guilt of responsibility that somehow spoiled the day. nonetheless it was fun.
• 28july-- a day after PGMA's last but hottest SONA ever, Sir Allan and I treated the English Department for lunch. We had Spaghetti, BBQ and drinks. Mrs. Tiu, our coordinator, supplied the brownies which i evidently appreciated--since i'm not a chocolate lover, i intake it through brownies and cakes. Sir allan and I were surprised when we received People Are People apparels from the Dept. we didn't think that our feast would have a better and more expensive reward.

Honestly, the best thing i have this year is celebrating my birthday with my whole family. it has been a while, really...after 6 years...

looking back at all these things, i feel grateful to the One who continuously lets me exerience such blessings. words aren't enough.

the wish that finally came true (that i wish didn't happen)

"I do not deny that my heart long desired for this "- Galadriel, LOTR Fellowship of the Rings

i was given the responsibility of handling the school's pub: CKSC's The Writer's Guild.
For a person who is so attached to writing and journalism, probably this is indeed a very good opportunity. That is also what i thought, at first. But now, amidst teaching requirements and family problems, I could only sigh: how could this be happening so fast?

Writing relaxes me. It(aside from listening to head banging music) is my therapy for stress. I feel good when i write. Why then do i feel this?

The answer is there already. It's writing that i love, not handling students who would become writers.

to be honest, i hate seeing other people living my dreams. i usually tell myself "I could have been there--I should have been there instead of that person"

"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future" --Galadriel, LOTR Fellowship of the Rings

I hope as I work with these students, I could gain new perspective. I hope they could teach me something. I hope that somehow they could change my future.

Lastly, I hope i would learn how not be ungrateful