..yesterday, 28 april 2008, 8:30 am, was my very first encounter with what i dreaded and still dread to encounter: being locked in a service elevator of an old building.
..well yesterday started as usual. i had calls with my students in network english world tutors' top talking branch..i had a chat with my korean bosses and filipino managers..i prepared for my contract signing in Chang Kai Shek College--my God, was I excited. then all of a sudden this whole elevator thing pissed me off..
..if i had noticed anything it would just be the elevator's groans every now and then. suddenly, it would not stop at the floor level i chose. when it stopped at the 'ground floor' level, it was actually at the 3rd level. it was crazy. so i tried again and for the nth time yesterday i wished i had not..it closed, locked me inside its belly, and zoomed up to the 22nd floor of the pacific coast tower and went dead.the lights were on, i was thankful of that. but with or without lights,being locked up in an elevator for a 'klostro' like me was being sucked into a hell-hole.
..it was not nice..
..i was trying hard not to be hysterical. but it was tough i couldn't stop myself from screaming my lungs out.i don't know if anybody would do the same.but all i knew was i wanted to get out of the damned thing. i pushed the restart button. the ringer.the mechanics-know-what-buttons.
..i desperately tried my phone.well it had signal. i called my boss but he could not hear me.i tried texting my mother but the signal went off--well i had expected that.i tried to be calm, rationalizing that 'are you just going to let this fool eat you up..man..you're going to be eaten up by your fear..what..scream like a maniac..you are going to be hysterical because of an elevator, are you nuts..are you sure you want this' and all that..well, for once, my sardonic self wasn't able to calm me.
..i sat at a corner of the elevator to regain my composure. i bit back my tears. i was running out of breath (or so, i think) and crying wouldn't help me.funny..at that moment, i wasn't thinking of elevator ghost stories(like what i am thinking whenever i am in a comfort room).i was focused on one thing, to come out breathing.
..after 5 minutes or so(it seemed like an hour), i heard a voice, voice or voices, i wasn't that sure.they were calling. i answered back, pounding my fists at the metal door.well, they heard me..and for goodness, i was thankful..no..grateful..i sat down again..calmer..just waiting.then my mind went blank..i simply stared at the door like one gone mad--well i was, that time..finally, it opened..well more acurately, a maintainance man pried it open.he asked me how many minutes i was stuck. i replied i didn't know exactly..honestly, i don't care to know how long i've been there.i just don't want to be stuck again.
..up until the time i met my manager along the street i was till shaking.
..when i rode the lrt back and forth(bec. of my appointment),i couldn't help thinking what i would do if the same would happen with the lrt.
..and whenever i remember it i inhale deeply like what i did back there..it's like i'm still there..
..now i am quite sure i wasn't able to face my fear back there..a while ago when i went to work, from the unit where i am staying (1101) to the unit where i am working (1904), i used the stairs.and i think i am going to use it as long as i work and live there, except of course if i have company to ride the darned thing..if that encounter did something to my claustrophobia, it worsened, not cured, it.
..the thing is, i'm already a junior manager of a budding tutorial company somewhere in paranaque...
..can i possibly get the best of both worlds...i hope i can...
..yes, i enjoy doing what i am doing right now even if the salary is not what i want to have.it's the satisfaction of applying what i have learned in my four-year stay in the Philippine Normal University..i'm not trying to be martyr here..i happened to have learned from my family that money is not worth if your heart's not into what you are doing..
..i'm not the 'teacher' type., i admit..but it's just the pride in me that won't let go and let me apply to call centers and be what mr. mendiola says as "glorified telephone operator". yup..the pride..the pride that i know that i have a degree that can be proud of and not insulted by some faceless caller.
..aside from that hindi pa ako desperada sa pera..my heart is not yet ready to swallow the pride that i have gained just to have money.what will i do with money anyway.to achieve a peaceful and stable life..what an answer...i'm having it right now.there's no reason for me to pressure myself to have a high-paying job that is also tantamount to being underemployed(review economics to confirm). and my family is there to support me all the way...
so even though i'm just here in the office..a grammar-editor, a human resourcebook, an instant seminar speaker, a material designer, a pronunciation model, i'm happy..
it's more than money can give, hypocrisy aside..
June 8, 2013
....and if i die this very moment, that would make him the final....
"oy Pong, ok ka lang ba jan? wala na akong load eh. papunta na kami. Hintay ka lang ha, kalma ka lang.."
"Marie, mukang mas hysterical ka pa sa kin."
"Ah, Ha?! Ganun ba? Oh sige. may kailangan ka pa ba? wala na? ah, teka, siguro kelangan mag pa-ayos na kami noh, hehe."
"maaga pa kaya. Maya pang alastres yun eh. siguro dapat pumunta muna kayo dito?"
"oh, sige. bye."
"B-(click..tut-tut-tut) bye..ay naku."
message: pong! jan na ba c lanz?! uy, gurl, hrap maghnap ng gift ha. anu, ppunta n q.(riogna 0921....)
reply: .,cge pnta ka na puh.
"hello, lanz, hanap ka ng kapatid mo. ba't hindi pa kayo sabay papunta dito?... ha? bakit, saan ba xa. ...ay naku..hehe...ba't iba boses mo...sige sige...nyak...hehe.topak...sige, bye."
(sigh) huh.. bridesmaid...crossout. bridesmaids...check.
what a bright day! ewan ko ba.. one of the times i want to shout out, Thank you LOrd, I am alive. haha. and i like the feeling that i am living. dala na rin siguro a i have a blessed family, blessed job, blessed boyfriend..er...fiance(sigh smile)--yup, we're soon to be married. how great it is when you are to tie the knot with a fellow christian. it's really great being contented.
at malamang masaya ang buhay dahil na rin sa mga out-of-this-world kng mga kaibigan-oops, i'm sounding pretty much like...unlike me, hehe-- na wala nang ginawa kundi ibahin ang takbo ng mundo ko.
it's as if it was only yesterday, we were here in my house, talking about ideal guys, munching fries, watching movies, celebrating birthdays, enduring trial after trial.
i remember one particular friday night 5 years ago. we had an all-girls-night-out. marie, the sports addict, with two kids aqt that, did the spaghetti, Riogna, a soc-sci teacher and a law student, arranged the "venue"and turned my house into a pillow haven. lanz, the multitasking writer slash musician slash dj whatever rented CDs and tried this CD and that for our music and entertainment.
"wala pa ba si arnel?" i asked Rio who was blowing bubbles and balloons at the door.
"wala pa eh. bakit?"
"sabi nya kasi dadaan siya. may sasabihin siguro saglit."
"itext mo na lang tol." MArie's voice from the kitchen. "Ang tagal ni Lorry ha. ayoko gabihin, alam niyo naman ang mga anak ko."
"uwian mo na lang ng pagkain," lanz suggested, trying to tune my always out of tune guitar."darating daw ba si lorry?"
"Sabi niya eh," sabi ko. medyo nagtataka bakit,at the mention of Lorry's name, kinabahan ako.
"anjan na si lorry!" rio announced.
"anjan na pala eh..anong problema ng gitara mo bat ayaw magpatono...?"
"Hi guys!!" a jovial disposition paired with a big body.
"yuck! amoy chiko ka..!"
"yabang mo Rio ah..syempre nakipag-hang-out munaq...lanz, may gig bukas ha!"
i tried to smile. "Handa lang namin yung food."
tas hindi ko na alam yung nagyari. parang hinila ko ata si lanz, o sumunod sya sakin. basta alam ko tiningnan ko si Rio, nakuha niya ata message ko. i'm not so sure anymore. nartinig ko lang "MArie, andito na si Lorry." si lanz ba o si rio.
"oh sige. punta na ako.. oh, ano nagyari sa yo pong? hi lorry!?
"uy girl, no problema mo?" rio asked.
"i dunno.. may premonition talaga ako na...i..i just feel there's something wrong." i bit my thumb, i remember i did coz i also remembered lanz telling me to chew on food not thumb.
"tsaka na lang natin intindihin pag dumating na..kaya mo yan...handa na tayo..rio, help..hehe"