my mom

My mom and I don’t bond that much. We are so different from each other, we are like magnets—we are poles apart. What I like, she detests: black, Plants versus Zombies, make-ups, and change. What she likes, I am poor at: sewing, numbers, crossword puzzles, and tradition. You can imagine our condition at home. I treat her just like a buddy. She tries to treat me like a normal, “obedient” daughter which I doubt I am. The result? A big bang.

In my theory, my behavior toward her is affected by two things. First, I was brought up by my grandmother. Most of the time, I still compare my mom to my deceased lola. Sometimes I even ask myself that had she been alive, would I act the way I do right now… Second thing that affects me is the fact that I am the only daughter in the family. I am closer to my father—used to be that is until the time he decided not to talk with me. My brothers, though they were younger, treat me like a younger sister. They are so over protective that I think they spoil me a lot with my whims. So, whenever I don’t get what I want, I complain and nag at my mother more than she nags at me ( and when she does nag at me, I tell it to her face that nagging at me does not solve any of our problems but just irritates me more).

But it is not always like that. We do have our share of good times. Tons already. One of them was last 21 of June. We bought some facial masks and we pampered ourselves with our home-made face spa. We played word games in my netbook. We bored ourselves with stories that neither of us could relate to.

You see, we were happy. We are happy, actually.

But since she is in Tacloban now with my grandmother, I feel as if the whole house changed. No one wakes me up now when I still don’t want to—which is pro and against me: I get more sleep, I get to my work place late. No one cooks for me and my brothers now. No one tells me to stop overworking—not that I really do, I just usually go home late…early because of the nature of my job.

Lastly, no one waits for me, awake at the wee hours of the morning, welcoming me with “Bakit hindi ka nagte-text kung asan ka na?”


I am torn between asking her to come back and letting her stay there. O f course, my grandmother needs special care. Since the whole family can’t go to Tacloban due to our own businesses, at least my mom serves as a good representative for the rest of us.  I cannot be so selfish because I have been living with my mom for several years already. The last time my grandmother saw her was four years ago.

But then, a daughter, no matter how much she doesn’t show she cares, still misses her mother from time to time.

The only comfort I give myself is the thoughts that if I am feeling this way, how much more does my mom miss lola and…

…And how will I be able to work abroad when I can’t even stand not seeing her for less than a month.


I promised myself that the next time you see me, I would be better person. I would be Someone who is worthy of you. I thought that being me wasn’t enough that’s why you decided to turn away. That is why I started to try my very best to be that kind of person who, I think, is best for you. But I started to get tired.
Liking myself to a non-existent being that may not even capture your attention wasn’t my style from the very start.

Then I started to realize that all of my dreams were made with only one goal: to make you proud of me. All of my dreams were built around you that at the moment of my epiphany, my goals fell one by one.

Do you know how it felt? It felt like starting from a void. All these years, I thought I had planned my life as a well structured path. But there was a hollow all along—no, not a hollow, a sink hole because you once…somehow…filled my path.

Now that I learned that I had depended so much on you, I figured out why you and I can never work out. I was full of you but I never was in me. No matter how I tried to be the one you liked, you would still turn away because I did everything for you and nothing for myself which entirely made me to a Nobody.

Therefore, next time, next time we are given an opportunity to look at each other’s eyes, I hope to see in yours what I like to be. Me.


first picture

.this is just the beginning.

maria cecilia villafuerte ( 구준 표)
jaina sabido ( 송우빈)
jahzeel dionne ybasco ( 윤지후)
maiden de mesa ( 서이정)



If you are looking for a wallflower that you have for a date, you dont need to look far and wide. I volunteer.

I have always considered myself as an assertive and competitive person but when it comes to gatherings, I am a perfect wallflower. I dont want myself to be noticed by anyone. Its enough for me to be a bystander and just look upon things. I wont even dress up to catch attention. Most probably, Ill just wear the clothes I usually wear depending on the occasions needs.

Thats why I cant understand people who keep on dressing up to catch attention but dont want to be looked at. Whenever I hear them complain, I only smile and try to tell them how obviously their dresses attract attention. Their situation is quite comic for me.

But I guess it goes the same way for meits comical that I still manage to go to parties and remain a faceless nobody. I might as well not go to the party. Hehe. I dont need anyone to notice me in some party in order to enjoy it, though.

I may not be the life of a party, but I am sure Im safe Wallflowers dont get into trouble that much.


This is an insignificant picture to anybody outside our circle. But we dont have to explain anything. Its enough for us that we understand something that we dont even say. Hehe. Were friends.

Friendship comes in different forms. It just so happened that ours was formed because one of us is self-centered (구준표), another is a fourth-dimension person (윤지후), the other is a hot and cold Casanova (서이증), and the other still, is a certified gangster (송우빈). And we clicked. You can say it was a spur of a moment thing. Its not something that we planned. It just happened. But isnt that what friendship is? It isnt like a detestable food that is shoved into someones throat. Its like an insignificant morsel that one chews, swallows and digests without much of a thought. It goes to the stomach and whether or not the food gives energy, one doesnt care. He or she is enjoying it anyway.

I have never been a sucker of friendsmeaning I dont go looking for one. I usually hate meeting and greeting people who, I know, will only stay for a few minutes in my life. I dont want to waste my time trying to be friendly when I can spend those seconds making memories with people I treasure.

But friendship does happen in my life whether I like it to happen or not. Now Im stuck with three other members who make my little work place quite a haven despite the fact that it isnt the success I want.

Ive been asking myself lately why Im not moving forward. Why am I not trying harder to move forward when triumph is just around the corner? Somehow the answer revolves around them who are stuck in the same situation, them who can also find their piece of success within their reach. But they also choose to be jammed. Whether or not friendship is the reason, I am not sure.
Anyone may ask when this friendship started that I am having these thoughts in my head. I can give him or her the date when we all met. But I cant give the date when we started sharing bits and pieces of ourselves. I, myself, am not so sure.


안녕samsung star

Everyone, my number 09236417450 officially signed off last August 7, 2010.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t get angry because my phone was lost. In fact, I did. It took me quite a long while before accepting it and realizing that nothing would happen even if I would cry a river of tears. Crying would of course relieve my pain but it would burden the other person concerned.

I didn’t want my friend to carry all the yoke of the world when I was to blame as well—I entrusted her my phone, giving her a duty that wasn’t her obligation in the first place. But what was hard to accept was the fact that it was the first phone I bought for myself and I took good care of it since December 5th 2009 and it got lost in an outing that had promised to be a good venue for team building.

That was why I asked Him to enlighten me and give me the right attitude in facing this problem.

Although I will be able to buy the same phone or a better one, still some months from now, I won’t be able to buy a friend. If I would let my lost ruin our friendship, I would lose two things, my phone—well I already lost it—and her. Aside from that, she lost things too. So I swallowed the fact that my Samsung star is gone.

As for the culprit, whoever he or she is, I wish him luck.  I hope he or she is truly happy with what he or she has done. I hope to that the 749 songs I have in my phone can make whoever receives my phone happy. My 14 Bigbang videos can definitely lighten up someone’s mood any day. Oh… I wish though that he or she will have the common sense to erase my photos there. I think it will be better for that person to reformat the memory card. But that of course is according to his or her discretion. Sigh…free advertisement for Bigbang…haha.

I’m still missing my phone especially right now that my brother has bought the same unit. Just to give you a picture: I find it difficult to do things I used to do with my phone, for example, walking along the streets or doing the laundry. To compensate, I use an mp4 that’s nothing to compare with my phone but I have to be satisfied. Anyway, 4 months isn’t long for a person who’s will to work for her desire. Haha. December once again has its goal.