.help me set myself free from what you and i have put me through. i still lack the courage to tell you that what we are doing is not what i really want.

. i deserve more than a mere body heat can offer. i deserve a loving kiss, a tender touch...not your expression of what you think i want to feel...

.i deserve someone who can love me the way i am, not because i can give him what he can't get from others.

.i can be your lover...never your whore. and if there comes a day that you'll force them in one place, i'll walk away. i'll never let you be the first to say goodbye. i'll walk away thinking that there is no loss. i have loved...only that i have given it purely, with no pretense whatsoever.

.i can always look at your eyes with no guilt.unless you tell me when love becomes a sin.

.i'll never drown in pity that you don't love me.

.because if there's something i really trully deserve, it's the respect for myself, and that is what i call true love.

.i may have loved you this much but i will not stoop at what you think i am.

.cut it out.

.don't try to make me what i am not.


...stuck...suspended 70 ft from the ground...

...maybe it's because i'm listening to this song:

i can't take it what am i waiting for
my heart is still breaking i miss you even more
and i can't fake it the way i could before
i hate you but i love you
i can't stop thinking of you
it's true i'm stuck on you

....so you see, i had already expected that he would drift away as soon as possible...this tuesday,i had half-expected that the last week's wednesday wouldn't happen anymore...i had sensed the clues...well i was right...
...i was only wrong with one thing....i didn't pay attention to "half-expectations"--that it meant only half of me was expecting the worst...the other half was, yet again, stuck in the make-believe world...

...i keep seeing yesterday why we got to play these games we play...