One of my many flaws that students point out at me is my ka-CORNY-han. It didn't come as a surprise because--surprise!--I am. I didn't learn the art of throwing jokes nor cracking one. When I was in high school, I already chose to be a wall flower. While my brothers liven up the party by joking, I usually end up making a fool of myself trying to make them eat their hearts out. I may even think of some thing funny but it never sells in the market because i don't have the proper medium of expressing it. I dropped Joke 101 and entered the Pun 101 class but the dean kicked me out....pity. So i ventured in another use of language--and this is quite a different story altogether. As much as possible I don't show my ridiculous side (except when i need it) Whenever I "joke" I am merely voicing out the thoughts that I find funny. I rather join in the audience laughing at funny people (if they are indeed funny) than be laughed at. Suffice it to say I understand my students since i myself only laugh at things that may make me laugh.. It is just a pity that they have to bear with a corny teacher until march 2010.


i am wondering who knack really is

I was in high school when I started to write petty "novelettes" that run from 16-24 episodes. Why episodes? I was thinking of becoming a professional manga writer that time so my plots were episodic--divided into scenes even.

I 'finished' three 'books': MWF Knights which I dedicated to some peers, MickDenz which I did when I was still cheesy and all, and Azalea Azure (Strips of Light) which I am currently editing.

I asked my high school classmates to read my works since I was craving for attention--being a member of the honor society had its advantages and one of them was being socially unaccepted.

It was a good thing that the females reacted good naturedly about them. They were even decent enough to ask me what I planned to do next. Imagine the horror and disappointment I got when I asked the guys to criticize my works.

I would no thave been half so sad had I been close to the girls (which I was but not quite). However, being surrounded by overprotective boys at home, I felt it was asecond nature for me to be close with some of the boys at school.

Close as I was to them, they did not spare me and my humble masterpieces. they did not even glance at them.


But my disappointment and frustration is not what I am supposed to write about here.

So moving on...

I settled myself asking girls about what they thought of my projects. They were able to get me through my first 2 works. I was so proud of myself back then that I forgot to breathe and started a new one, Azalea Azure.

Azalea Azure was supposed to be about a transferee adopting to a new school which is somehow similar to the story line of High School Musical. The difference is Azalea doesn't sing. She dances. And she transfered to Centerville High in her third year.

Also, Vim Havey is not the super bascketball player of the school--he's the vice captain unlike Troy Bolton who is always in the limelight.

One of the characters in Azalea Azure (Strips of Light, the edited version of AA is coming soon) is Knack Kaiser who is originally an imitation of Rukawa Kaede of Slam Dunk. He is a freshman competing against Vim in basketball.

knack- ability
kaiser- German emperor

One thing I put into Knack Kaiser is my voice. He is my mouth piece in the story. It is just unnerving that I had to put him somewhere at the 5th chapter just to establish the Azalea-Vim story (I am editing it now, most probably he'll come a little bit earlier).

As far as i can remember, I wasn't really the grade conscious girl that they thought I was. Probably just along the competitive line. Grades don't matter to me much up until now. What I was and still am after is the praise and acknowledgement that go along with the grades. In short, I could not be Azalea.

Next, although I am a fan of basketball, I could not and cannot find the proper words to use in describing the intense emotions evoked by the game. Definitely unlike Vim Havey. For his character I had and have to consult my brothers, watch NBA, and rewatch events in Slam Dunk.

So where does Knack come in. He comes in at the part when things become cofusing. He was and still is the silent type. One that intimidates without doing anything. That is how I like to picture myself. All my frustrations, all my angst and all my moodswings are vented out through him.

At the time my classmates read the (original) chapter 5, they figured out one thing.

Before I graduated from high school, a number of classmates already had tagged me as 'Knack' which was and is an advantage. I need not fuss over people claiming difficulty in pronouncing my name since I have a nickname I can boast. That is one of the reasons I use "knack"

The problem I see now is I am lost in using the name. Am I still to use it when I edit the story or should I use another name?

I am lost: am I trying to live up to the name or I am simply trying to tell every one that there is one one word that sums me up.

not worthless.

but knack.


Rock with You

He had just been back from Taiwan last Friday when I asked him for a favor: a performance. I knew it was too much to ask since he isn’t my student anymore, he isn’t a part of the MASCKS anymore, and lastly and most importantly, he had just been back.

But I assure myself, it was just right.

First, he was and is one of the best dancers I know (even Eds says so). I still can't imagine the Movers without him.

Second, he needs to have exposure. He isn't doing anything anymore and he told me once that he still wants to dance and perform on stage. He needs to be visible in school naturally to help us in our rehearsals. At least, he won't feel bored. And actually I believe that I am doing him a favor and not the other way around.

And lastly, it's no use denying it, I do like to see him dance. It is not because I simply adore him--doing so is a crime against the Magna Carta (although he is not a student anymore...hm...hehe) People who can do things unexpected of them are more interesting for me than people who can do what is expected of them. In his case, he was one of the lousiest students in my class last year. Back then, I had gotten so angry with him and his peers that I had almost condemned them to hell. I had consoled myself by concluding that I wouldn't care for people who are of no use and couldn't help themselves. How surprised I had been to know he was one of Edsie's best dancers.

First impressions really don't last as my first impressions of him spilled from my brain when I first saw him on the dance floor.

Fromthen on, I supported his dancing endeavors.

That's the main reason I had when I had asked him to dance (which he humbly accepted)

He had had a night of preparation, but goodness knows had he been more prepared, the cool, slow and quite sexy "Rock with You" could have been flawless.

In my addiction, I was even singing MJ's song up until I was eating with a friend in BK Glorietta 4(she promised to smash me with her leather purse if I would whistle the tune).

Whether my request was for personal gain or simply a way for him to get back, I don't know. Up until now, I'm guilty of child abuse. All i know is i'm anticipating a lighting bolt to struck me any time...hehe


libro na naman

"relations insist in giving me books when all i want is a decent conversation"

...he used to be a crush. then he became someone dear to me. then we parted...
...there were long days, months, and years of silence...
...and i was entertained by others...
...and then he came back, after his solitary shell..
...only to give me a book "love in the timeof cholera"
...and after a year...just an hour ago, he visited, just to give 7 books...



patrick jane smiles and i sigh

"I don'tcare about the law. I care about justice."

In the midst of controversial issues on political killings and advertisements, I went on watching The Mentalist. Not only it saves me a lot of trouble thinking of unthinkable things, it distracts me from the constant pressure the work place is giving me (I'm loaded, pff).

Last night, Mr. Jane tried to crack series of arson cases. He was doing quite well then when he had a fair argument with a team mate. The argument was about "law vs. justice vs. vengeance."

I couldn't help thinking of my "debate" days when The PNU Debate Team would hold series of conferences and try-outs (FYI i never became a main debater--at least the team did boost my confidence). Oneof the hottest topics that time was doing something wight vs doing something that you think is right.

The "law vs. justice vs. vengeance" not only echoes the memories of the past but the current status of governance whether local or national. It is quite unnerving to think that we have laws but we don't have justice. We have documented ideas but no lasting actions.

Somehow it dictates to me that whoever we place on the highest position in the Executive Body of the Government must be a man of justice and not just a man of law.

But duh?! Who cares!

I had seen Patrick Jane smile and I had a good dream...


editing the past

...nice title for a worthless blog..harhar..
...i just tried editing my past friendster blog account. goodness,i learned they have more themes..grrr....but anyway...at least..


singing "drops of jupiter" instead

..I felt like singing "hanging by a moment".but decided against it..

Last sunday, after the dreaded but not so dreadful GCAT exam, I called him up--just checkin out if he would care to answer and he did. as usual, he said he missed me...for heaven's sake a lot of people miss some other people--wouldn't he make me feel any better
than the rest..and to think he used to make me feel i was the best--without him knowing it and that's the problem.

.he did in a way, telling me he'd like to see me. but of course, not this weekend. he has to meet that special someone...and ofcourse....here i am, the understanding friend who has waited for him for a year when he was out there searching for something, and he goes home, misses another girl and guess what, i'm kicked out of his priority list(when i was in it, i was at the bottom, second from the bottom...make that third...drat...somewhere at the bottom).

Fine...so i thanked him for congratulating me in my decision to take up MA Lit. Nice...but that' s a crap as compared to the s compared to things i want to tell him face to face, the things he's supposed to understand without me saying them to him.

. While i was holding the phone, i couldn't help feeling like Michael Berg (The Reader).

"the only way we would be free is to disclose something needed to be disclosed but we'd rather keep it hidden."



I am wearing a mask that says nothing.

I have waited and I have found out

That I have waited for nothing.

All I have is this mask

and some memories.


getting political

… I honestly don’t think his blood-relationship to the former Pres Aquino and celebrity Kris can guarantee him a good number of voters in the 2010 Presidential Elections.

… Also, I may sound know-it-all but for me, Mar Roxas’ giving way to Noynoy isn’t a good move. The latter hasn’t even given his confirmation yet. my first reaction to that was “napaka-disorganized naman nila..” They are in the same party anyway. They could have talked over the matter first, announced Mar Roxas’ decision, and put Noynoy Aquino in the limelight. it would then sound like a bomb.

…pero yun nga nangyari tapos the senator himself told the public that he isn’t sure yet. It was like estinguishing the fire of their party. I felt like watching a very pathetic stage play…


Drowning in Dostoevsky

I have started reading(and fooling myself) Fyodor Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov as part of my monthly book escapades. I chose the book not because it was recommended-- which reminded me of The Fountainhead..arggh.Maria can kill me now. I promised her I would finish the book come September, and September indeed came. Wake me up before september ends...

I just take pride in reading Dostoevsky. In all honesty, I got sick of devouring American and English Literature--as they are required in our majorship. I even got tired of Black Literature after being comatosed in reading Alice Walker's The Color Purple (her "In Our Mother's Garden" is terrific!). I thought a breather would do--Russian authors! Speaking of which, I'm thinking of reading Turgenev next.

Other than my first reason, reading a text that not just anybody would read makes my heart beat faster than reading an already familiar book which everybody could relate with.Ayaw ko makiuso...ayaw...hehe

Dostoevsky never lost a nerve to use long paragraphs that intimidate readers and writers alike. Just the thought of those long paragpraphs is a sneering "boring" to me. I got teary-eyed in reading the first three paragraphs, and I am still in the first chapter, The Family Background. It is not actually boring, yes intimidating, but not boring, and tiring to read long sentences in longer paragraphs. I'm just thankful I'm reading other books in between paragraphs...haha.

other books I'm reading this month:
The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
The Book of Lost Tales by J.R.R. Tolkien
Martin Eden by Jack London
Becoming Neomi Leon by Paz Mu�oz
The Lost Boy (Sequel to a "The CHild Called 'It'") y David Pelzer


the mentalist part II

..so I got addicted to a t.v series which I have only seen once. But i can't help falling in love with a modern-Sherlock Holmes (have I said I'm addicted to Doyle's most famous character? OH, Maryl Amarante, my former classmate introduced me to him and since then on, i've been his huge fan...and a fan of characters who resemble him, even just a bit)

.amidst my mother's plea "Magpahinga ka na, baka mabinat ka, yung ngipin mo, may pasok ka pa bukas" i watched the tv series while i propped my head on a lousy pillow, trying to numb a little bit of pain.

.Simon Baker plays the indifferent Patrick Jane well enough to convince my poor hypothalamus that all indifferent detectives are really thinking....hehe

..last night's episode was about the battle between a psych and a mentalist. both were trying to solve a murder case. the psych was somehow related to the victim since the latter used to be the first's client.She was able to help the detectives solve the case through her "visions" which were true enough. However, she was still no match for the Mentalist. She was able to point out who the murderer was by putting up a "spirit summon". PAtrick, the mentalist, on the other hand had already known the murderer from the start of the investigation. He only needed some help in "persuading" the person to confess as she was the daughter of the victim.

.probably what enticed and entices me the most in watching the series is the power of words themselves
(It was amazing how Patrick Jane was able to point out who the murderer was through words...).. Also, how gifted people are able to decipher different meanings of sentences based on how they are delivered puts me on the "follow-up" mode for the next episode... .i so love it...can you tell?...hehe