After a long while I saw a helicopter

After a long while I saw a helicopter, soaring in the evening clouds. I felt nostalgic of the things I used to do when I was still working in parańaque. I used to work in this company in Pacific Coast condominium/hotel (?) (owned by a particular Ybasco… If I were related to that Ybasco, I never found out) somewhere near Coastal Road and NAIA. The main office was located at the 24th (was it 23rd? oh my, I can’t remember anymore. It has been two years already when I had that job) floor, and the employees quarters are at the 11th floor. Our room then was 1101, the room facing the coastal road. I have good pictures taken from the windows of the room and somehow those pictures upset me since I don’t live in an open area anymore. I’m stuck in the cave my family chose to live in and I still have to wait for 5 months before I can get my phone’s signal properly.

In that job, I usually slept late as I listened to my bosses’ somehow inaudible rants of improving the company (what’s good about Koreans is they don’t stop planning even it’s already the wee hours of dawn. They don’t stop working until the job is done. Bunch of workaholics if that’s how you like to describe them.) and as I did so, I watched how the sky changed its colors from the lightest of blue, to the darkest, and to its lightest once more. I couldn’t take for granted the airplanes and helicopters that passed by. I even waved at a helicopter once, and attempted to create a music video out of nothing to do. Well, right now, the only flying things I see through our windows are bugs.

Somehow it is unnerving to know that I did not appreciate my life back then. I still have a copy of my journal when I started working in that company. I wanted to get myself out of the work area because one of the bosses had a series (sessions, more like it) of arguments with his girlfriend. I couldn’t help but be affected because they fought in front of me. Not once did I think that they were talking about me. I ranted about not being appreciated for my hard work. I ranted for not being in the limelight.

Suddenly, those rants minimized when Mr. Lee started to exert his power in the company. I had opportunities laid down before me. I knew more people. I interacted with colleagues I hadn’t thought of befriending. There’s Karen, that loud and extremely raucous Krenggay who influenced me with her addiction to Radio Active Sago Project. Followed by Eminemskittles who was and still is into public service. Then Joycee-chan came into the picture and introduced to us this funny creature named…I forgot the name but it was a hamster. No it wasn’t Hamtaro. It was far from it. After a while, Joan came, brining a little bit of sophisticated femininity to the company’s life. Only to be disturbed by the “carpe diem” personality of Maria. All in all, we complete the “bombois” family of Mr. Lee.

now I want to do everything I can to pull those days back, now that I realize what I want. Now that I realize that I was already very close to my dreams, achieving what I want back then but I did not take the risk and here I am trying to get the time I have lost. Thanks to the helicopter, I have a good picture of how fast time can go and how I took it for granted.


two sides of a coin

After conveying my decisions, I had several epiphanies. I am not sure however whether these epiphanies are concrete or mere floating ideas again.

I took my final examinations in Mr. Mendiola's class last week. It was a whirlwind of an exam. So I soothed my nerve by shopping for a pair of shoes(gotta relieve the stress and i badly needed new sneakers). I dropped by BookSale (couldn't help not to).

I saw this book for "artists and artist wannabe-s" not really a How-to book. It is just a compilation of random thoughts from random artists. I got attracted by the following:

"Freedom is nothing else but a chance to be better."-albert camus

-> basically, Camus echoed my thought and my situation. After my decision I felt free (nah..blame it to Joyce's A Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man why I'm determined to search for my freedom).

But there are always two sides of the coin (just like what my former professor always told us back in the undergraduate years)

"You are free and that's why you are lost."- Franz kafka

And i couldn't help asking myself If i really know where i'm going to ( background song: do you know where youo are going to, do you like the things that life is showing you...eew)

....just random thoughts...please don't focus on my inability to organize my thoughts and capitalize what is needed to be capitalized....



....i have already made my decision...it is now or never...
.i will probably regret my decision, but if i wouldn't do it now, when would i do it...when i am too old already?
..i will probably hate myself afterwards. probably i am just in search for what stacey orrico says as a "temporary high" but this high makes me happy.
...i will probably cry gallons of tears but i know, if i am indeed in search for true happiness, i should stick to the little joys that i find, and grab those opportunities that only pass my way once...
....i will probably get a little bit disappointed since this would feel as if i am back to step one. But if step one is closer to what i think will make me happy, then why should i not take the risk....
.....i will probably miss people...and people will probably miss me but i cannot let each minute pass by without making an effort to get nearer to my Personal Legend. I should not let this legend miss me.
......no matter what happens in the end, i only have myself to blame. But what is worse for me is to find out that i did not succeed because i didn't try. I don't want to cry bitter tears of regret for things i hesitate to do. I have had enough of regrets. I have already eaten my piece of cake.
........so whether things will turn out for the better or for worse, i will just have to remember, that i have made this decision on my own based on what i think, what i perceive, what i think. I will just have to remember that i have made this decision on my own with no one but the One who has lend me wisdom and bravery.
....i have already made my decision...it is now or never...