I wrote about my life changing decision here. It has been a year. I am still sitting in the same place, using the same computer. Nothing has changed except maybe for my haircut…and well, my clothes. However, mentally and socially, I think I have grown.
I have learned a different language. I can read and write Hangul now, can understand Korean dramas and correct some hastily made subs. In return, I have acquired a good amount of different culture and included it my daily life.
I have learned to criticize pieces of literature and art (mada mada dane: I still need to study though). I have read a good number of books, blogs, mangas, and yes, fanfictions. All these contribute to more writing styles for my part. I have learned to write more important things (yes, fanfiction IS important) than plain rants in my blog.
I have learned to criticize people under their very noses and get away unscathed. However, I also know now how to deal with different people.
I have learned how to be a better hypocrite. When before, I used to just be silent when I did not like something or somebody, right now, I can smile without giving any clue to what I really feel. How do I know this? Because people still keep coming, even if I don’t like some of them to. I have learned to adjust to what part of me they want to see, what reactions they want from me. I feel honored whenever my real friends point this out to me. At least, I still have that part of me that is human.
As I continue having a mask on, I have learned to be genuine. I have learned to show how happy, angry, and sad I am to people I choose. I speak openly when I am depressed. I clown around when I am happy. I destroy things, or mutter curses in the dark when I am angry.
I have learned to make, value, and keep not good, but great friends.
I have maintained a harmonious relationship with my family despite the randomness of my decisions.
You see, I have grown so much. I can’t say I regret making that decision a year ago. Far from it.
I am not disappointed… But I am also not satisfied…Those conditions are part of my standards of living after all.
For the meantime, I can say I am happy… I know however, that I can be happier.
This is the time that I know that I will make another decision.