anime and all that jahz

..i can't remember the first time i've not been attached to animes. up until now, i've been trying to come-up with good fan-fictions to share the world. i've ony successfully come up with one. thank you...i will try some time next year publishing more fictions. God knows how itchy my hands are in writing my beloved pieces.

..who knows..maybe i could have my own work place next year.oh dear, just have to wait until my father settles the house....grr...

一歳の誕生日の1ヶ月のお祝い

• last year i celebrated my birthday my birthday with my co-online teachers and employers somewhere in EDSA, Music 21. That's when I received my xpress music.
• also i remember i celebrated it with Randolph and Kath in SM Manila, Yellow Cab.
• And not to mention the Stranger was with me last year although he didn't know it was my birthday.

Two weeks have already passed since my 21st birthday, I know. But nada that i would let july go by without having an entry about the month-long celebration of my birthday.

• 10july, with 3-4, Ersao, P. Algue-- my advisory section gave me a Red Ribbon chocolate roll and a notebook containing greetings from them and my co-teachers. Yep, sweet. My section is sweet. They just can't help being a bother sometimes.
• 11july, with WG, CKSC-- had to work. first writing workshop of WG with me.
• ------, 1100 with 3-6, Shakey's, masangkay-- I had lunch--lunch btw was courtesy of kervin who celebrated his birthday last july 9.
• ------, 1400, SM Tayuman, treated myself with Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World.
• 13july, with 3-6 CKSC room, apostol, allan, jayson, jerome gibert, and ekstrom gave me a hand warmer. They had considered giving me a pair of room slippers but since they didn't know the size of my feet, they settled for the "stuffed-toy" which turned out to be a hand warmer.
• 15 July, Faculty--Sir Allan, Maam Llanado, Maam Mogro, Sir Buiza and I treated the faculty to lunch of spaghetti, bread and drinks. Don't forget the cake sponsored by Maam Llanado's students.
• ------, with Mama, SM Tayuman-- my mother and i had a date. i treated her to Jollibee since i got pretty stuffed up in school. we got hamburgers (i had considered taking her to tokyo tokyo but she didn't feel eating japy food). then we shopped for stocks at home.
• 21july, with 3-6 yet again--after a week since the hand warmer, ryan kyle gave me a bread key chain.
• 24july--lance andrew of 3-6 treated me to MOA--as part of his birthday gift for me or as part of his birthday celebration i don't know but then again it didn't matter. we, lance and some 3-4 students (stef, jolly, janie, grace, jd, danica, nico, jotham, jomar and wilberto) and i spent the day skating (well they skated, i just held unto the rinks railings: fortunately i didn't fall), window shopping, and getting lost in EDSA--nice experience it was. it's just that there was the guilt of responsibility that somehow spoiled the day. nonetheless it was fun.
• 28july-- a day after PGMA's last but hottest SONA ever, Sir Allan and I treated the English Department for lunch. We had Spaghetti, BBQ and drinks. Mrs. Tiu, our coordinator, supplied the brownies which i evidently appreciated--since i'm not a chocolate lover, i intake it through brownies and cakes. Sir allan and I were surprised when we received People Are People apparels from the Dept. we didn't think that our feast would have a better and more expensive reward.

Honestly, the best thing i have this year is celebrating my birthday with my whole family. it has been a while, really...after 6 years...

looking back at all these things, i feel grateful to the One who continuously lets me exerience such blessings. words aren't enough.

nothing but a piece of paper

..no matter how hard i tried i couldn't keep myself from saying i love 3-6 more than i love 3-4. i got so angry with my beloved advisory section specifically on a student who thinks he knows everything just because he's the son of a seasoned teacher.





...somethings i don't like about in students are:


1. they keep on having alibis that don't cover up their blunders.


2. they lie


3. they cheat





given that i've been a student once (and i should understand), i've never answered my teacher "ma'am it's nothing; it's a piece of paper"





by jimminy, i know what a piece of paper is and so does everybody with the minutest brain.





...just releasing the tension:


i know it's bad for me to label students, and have favoritism. when i was a student, i hated teachers who favored sections other than their own. so i know what it feels like for them...but you see, i think it doesn't matter for them if they know.





"Enough of the audacity. I would not put up with that kind of attitude."





Why can't they understand that what teachers need in times of cloudy days( figuratively) is honesty.





It's adding insult to injury.





.it's insane, absurd and stupid..


..and i couldn't help myself from blurting out: "ang yabang nyo eh. wala pa naman kayong napapatunayan. look at 3-6, i've been with them for a year and they're still humble."





...and all those things that could come out from an honest heart injured by a merciless retort.

i know you enough to expect much

..can't help reacting to my former classmate's comment: you think you now me that much.

..here's the thing, she was blabbing about meeting someone in this someplace and all that jazz.

..i couldn't help reating: si *@#! out of all people

..and there she went...

..and since i couldn't access my multiply right now, i just put my reaction, plus the eyebrow-raise, on the title of this post.

..and may your blurbs be with you...

a mere bagatelle

I don't know about you but i've kept on waiting. probably you wouldn't think about me for a minute. wish i could do the same, but you see, forgetting about you and all the things we've shared isn't easy. You've been a friend, a confidante. But just a friend. So as a friend, I 've waited.

And you probably forgot that i'm waiting. You see, I still am. But it doesn't matter now, at least to you. Because for you, i'm a mere bagatelle. something you can take for granted. I wasn't even surprised to know you're back from Jupiter and you didn't even bother to text. and i felt it was just yesterday when you called to say goodbye. i guess you can't be bothered by a hello. No I wasn't surprised. I was disappointed. But i understand. I know it's easy to forget a bagatelle.

So here I am, still waiting. I would be waiting for as long as I live, or until I get tired...or until I have another thing to wait for. But I will wait. You see I'm not yet tired of hoping you'll knock your head hard and remember that I'm here.

and just in case you ask why:

Unlike you, I remember that you told me I was important.

And I can't be moved.

The Bread Key-Chain and Other Spongebob Stuffs

I've been acquainted with 3-6 for sometime already. Actually i handled them last year in English II. I'm almost accustomed to their mood swings and they are to mine as well. And with all honesty, among the sections I’m handling, I’m most attached to them.

I’m not going to lie; I’m torn between my advisory section 3-4 and them. Suffice it to say, II-4 and I still have differences to settle unlike 3-6 which has established a bond with me.

God has given me a big opportunity of handling such a section that has somehow persuaded me to stay for a year longer in the teaching profession. Those students have not only given me key chains,

stuffed toys,

and greeting card. They haven’t only treated me to Shakey’s

or McDo. They continuously shower me with smiles, laughter, bits of information, and heaps of problems.

I even have a promise to them that I shall wait for their graduation So I am pressured. I’m challenged to do my best for them, to give the best of my abilities just to ensure that they wouldn’t remember me as their English teacher but someone who has inspired them to do their best as they have inspired me.

. What feeling it will be to see them going up stage one by one…the satisfaction that somehow I’ve imparted something to them…the pride that those students are not only English proficient but also noble students.

And when the time comes for them to leave,

I shall proudly say, “They are my first borns, ready to face the world.”

bookish bookworm

My 4-year college seatmate, Rodel Violago, once told me that he didn't regret buying books which he wouldn't use for the meantime. "Other people would be able to read them anyway if I couldn't."

Although more of a gadget addict he was, and still is, he really treasures books and he doesn't lose the hope that his future grandchildren will rea them as their inheritance.

Thanks to him, more than just a bibliophile, i'm now a panic-book-buyer. Whenever there is a book interesting enough for me, I buy it. Even though the book isn't even relate to my course, I don't care, as long as i can afford it. Right now, I have more books than i can manage. I have bought books that i don't even touch; i have books that i don't even read.

I have 14 Shakespeare, 7 Alice Walker, 5 Tolkien, 5 LM MOntgomery and other books, I lost count. Ieven have two editions for a book.

Even my shelfari account isn't updated.

Sometimes i wonder if buying those books is worthit. But then, I hear kuya Rodel's voice, "Books are good investments."

For now, i can't say when i can stop my hand from purchasing 4books everytime I finish one--as soon as my pockets burst? But anyway, to lessen my guilt, i'm starting to read Doyle's Lost World, Conrad's Lord Jim, and Swift's Gulliver's Travels. Congratulations to me whichever book I finish first.

The Japanese Cut

I had my "japy-hair cut" the other day, thursday, 160709. The style comes with my purpose but honestly, there's more to it than that. There's more to my unscheduled haircut.

When I was in 3rd year college, I had 2 succeeding haircuts: one in July, another in August. All because I got depressed. And the story runs along the line in Taylor Swift's White Horse:

"Coz I honestly believe in you...
Holing on, the days dragged on...
Stupid girl, I should have known, I should have known"

The next year, I had haircuts before and after my class demonstration. Just for the sake of it? no.. I wasn't satisfied?..No...Because i was stressed.

I also used to cut my bangs when i got angry.

Getting a haircut is not my fashion statement. It's my stress reliever. instead of venting my wrath to people around me who don't have anything to do with my emotions, i cut my hair.

At least that's better than taking my own life or taking others' lives..hehe

nailing their mouths shut

I should be used to people saying things about me every now and then. My only wish is if i'm around, they should be brave enough to point my faults to me,straight to my face.

it's ok if they would be telling me my faults, my indifference, my attitude, to me...not to their friends who know no better.

why do they keep on telling things about me, about my peers, which is not their responsibility in the first place...thank you very much but it's absurd..stupid...idiotic...

why do they have to keep a blind eye. vertically challenged i am, not an idiot. are they supposed to keep on talking about me as if i'm not around.

if they're brave enough, how come they don't talk to me. how come they ask a person who's not even related to me.

if they can't do any better, why can't they just shut up and contribute to human kind's silence.

Crazy by Kenny Rogers

I guess I'm crazy

crazy for you can't you see

although you may think

it's crazyhere

it's where I want to be

I will always need your love.

Alright.. so after a long while, I'm writing about this topic again.blame it to the compilation of songs i have in my phone.

While I was checking papers, I had my earplugs on, not giving too much attention to the random mode of the song selection. so there I was, in my own solitude, waiting for the blessed last period bell when all of a sudden this song played. I could have skipped the entire song but i didn't (why didn't I?). all i thought of was the feeling a girl could feel once her loved one sings this to her....

way too crappy you might say...way to girly...way too cheesy, sappy, and all but hey, i'm a piece of the nobody world trying to be like anybody and that's the point. meaning everybody has the right to tell me i'm cheesy because everybody has felt being cheesy in his or her own way (denial, was, has been, is, will always be a crime)... C'mon. who could probably tell me i'm not cheesy right now... I dare you... harhar

..still, i'm not going to dot my i's with hearts.

No Boundaries

..the song Kris Allen performed in American Idol

Seconds hours so many days

You know what you want but how long can you wait

Every moment last forever when you feel you’ve lost your way

What if my chances are already gone

Started believing that I could be wrong

But you give me one good reason

To fight and never walk away

So here I am still holding on

Every step you climb another mountain

Every breath is harder to believe

You’ll make it through the pain

Weather the hurricanes

To get to that one thingS

o when you think the road is going nowhere

Just when you almost gave up on your dreams

Then take it by my hand and show you that you can

There’re no boundaries

There’re no boundaries

I flopped and I landed to stand on the edge

What if the day is as good as a game

I don’t know where the future’s heading

Nothing’s gonna bring me down

I’ve jumped every bridge and I’ve run every life

I risked being saved but I’m always all right

I’m always all right

So here I am still holding on

Every step you climb another mountain

Every breath is harder to believe

You’ll make it through the pain

Weather the hurricanes

To get to that one thing

So when you think the road is going nowhere

Just when you almost gave up on your dreams

Then take it by my hand and show you that you can

You can go higher

You can go deeper

There are no boundaries

Above and beneath you

B-reak every rule coz

there’s nothing between youand your dreams

Every step you climb another mountain

Every breathe is harder to believeYeah~

There’re no boundaries

There’re no boundaries

Every step you climb another mountain

Every breath is harder to believe

You’ll make it through the pain

Weather the hurricanes

There’re no boundaries

There’re no boundaries

There’re no boundaries

...So why in the world do I have this song in my blog, my phone and my life...aside from the fact that Kris allen performed this pretty well, the lyrics of the song caught my heart and from the first time I heard it to this point when I'm abusing my ears just to hear it, I know this song is never going to let go.

.Am i being to sentimental about this...yes i am...harhar.

dog tags and responsibilities

...personally i don't have anything against the "ako mismo" movement. only, that I saw a student wearing the tag while he was in the billiard halls and classes were, i think, still going on.

honestly, i interpreted that as "Ako mismo, magka-cutting classes."seriously speaking, i don't favor dogtags that much (i'm no dog, obviously) but i pity those who have aims of improving the country by their "ako mismo" campaign.

dog tags don't measure one's responsibility to his country. if it's a symbol, then therefore it should symbolize something.

in the end, all i'm saying is i wouldn't waste my money buying a tag, proclaiming to the world that i'm advocating a campaign to my nation's improvement, when my actions speak otherwise.still, actions speak louder than words.

Anne of Green Gables by L. M. Montgomery

If there is one novel or series that inspires and influences me to be a better teacher and a woman, it is this.

The whole series of Anne of Green Gables centers on Anne, an imaginative, red-haired orphane turned teacher turned mother. It focuses on Anne's challenges in life and her optimistic wit to overcome them.

This novel isn't the regular tear-jerking piece of literature that usually highlights the moving actions, works, and advices of teachers. Nor it portrays the heroism or martyrdom of women. Anne of Green Gables showcases the value of being a teacher and a woman through all the subtle realities of everyday experiences. It doesn't deliberately tell the lessons from challenges; to conveys its morals, it uses its very powerful tool, Anne herself.

In Anne can women of the globe see themselves as a child, as a school girl, as a friend, as a lover, a teacher, an artist, a woman.

"God in heaven, all is well in the world."

Being a Human

This is a feeling I usually get whenever I hear people criticizing shows, performances, and people. How I wish they could see themselves now: how cruel, sarcastic, and dirty they are.

Perhaps I'm a bit know-it-all myself that I learn to hate people who think they know more than I do. I detest persons who criticize anything as if it is the most important thing to do in the world.

Thinking about it, I realize I'm also a part of them, critics. I cannot last a day without complaining about something or someone. This very blog entry (and my entries) is proof enough already that more than a living being, I'm a human, born to err.

Sometimes I think, turning a blind eye to ourselves makes us dependent to other people for criticisms. And not admitting this dependence angers us. Probably this is the reason I loath my fellow critics: I was busy criticizing other things, forgetting to look at myself therefore offering my very soul open to their swords of fire. I am a being to them.

Probably, it is a part of being a human.

nostalgia

We die hard trying to forget the past but the past continuously haunts us not because it doesn't want to be forgotten but because we relish to relive them in the shards of our heart no matter how painful.

We drink in the pain thinking that it is better to feel the sting than to feel nothing at all.

We want to feel that somehow we had been whole before the painful incident happened.

We rather gorge ourselves with these memories than feel the lurking emptiness waiting for us somewhere.

the wish that finally came true (that i wish didn't happen)

"I do not deny that my heart long desired for this "- Galadriel, LOTR Fellowship of the Rings

i was given the responsibility of handling the school's pub: CKSC's The Writer's Guild.
For a person who is so attached to writing and journalism, probably this is indeed a very good opportunity. That is also what i thought, at first. But now, amidst teaching requirements and family problems, I could only sigh: how could this be happening so fast?

Writing relaxes me. It(aside from listening to head banging music) is my therapy for stress. I feel good when i write. Why then do i feel this?

The answer is there already. It's writing that i love, not handling students who would become writers.

to be honest, i hate seeing other people living my dreams. i usually tell myself "I could have been there--I should have been there instead of that person"

"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future" --Galadriel, LOTR Fellowship of the Rings

I hope as I work with these students, I could gain new perspective. I hope they could teach me something. I hope that somehow they could change my future.

Lastly, I hope i would learn how not be ungrateful

...if thanking you would mean the whole world to me

...if thanking you would mean the whole world to me




...i would rather die...


people have this tendency to spite everyone who would not say thank you in return for a favor given to them.
for me it's pretty stupid....

...if everbody was intended to say thank you every now and then (if it was damnable not to) then what a boring world it would be.

....it's just that i found out that i have been using my yahoo account for 4 years now...i haven't even got a clue why i still use that as my i.d. but anyway,,it hasn't lost its attractiveness...(my students keep asking me what it means)....i don't have any plans in changing it anyway (although i have made a gmail account)...point is i have just realized that i have been k_kaiser1107 for four years and that is saying something.)


-->

..feces..dung...crap..shit...tae...ano pa..

...i find people who say "tae(shit)" weird...really..and well, disturbing...

i am wondering if they were born in this world with a big piece of shit clamped in their mouths...or maybe all they can see in this world is shit even if they are actually looking at themselves in front of the mirror

...well one of these days maybe i can put a good deal of shit in their mouths to let them know what it tastes like, or even convert our classroom into a big crap dampsite, just to make their expression reasonable...

..and yeah, do that while having our research paper...

but as long as i am being paid to be a good model for them, i'll just put the right mark in their

conduct sheets and these whole crap of ideas be forever installed in my box of a brain.

..for the others...they can do everything they can do with their shitful life...

*magreact nang bayolente walang mapapala..kanya-kanya lang yan...

injection and curses

...yesterday night i tried hard not to eat and drink after 9 pm (i tell you, it was hard for me; i usually eat after nine and i drink milk/tea/water before going to bed). it was for a blood test.
.this morning i woke up early, thanks to a parched throat, and prepared myself for the injection...hehe...not really scared but excited. im not being a hypocrite "brave" soul here but i am not afraid of seeing blood (am quite used to it after being used to my nosebleeding every september;speaking of which, i had a nosebleed last tuesday night). even after so much already flowed from my body (nosebleeding and monthly cycle) for 20 years of my existence i still don't know what blood type i have...(my students were telling me it was green...a little bit of persuasion and soon i'll believe them)
...oh boy, was i excited...
...so there,i was one of the first to exhibit bravery...
...i sat down, hoping for the successful blood test...i was even friendly to the nurses...
...this nurse came and volunteered to do my blood test...she wrapped a torniquet around my upper arm and asked me to do a fist.she got a cotton ball, moistened it with alcohol, and cleansed the area...(i have a nurse friend so i knew that they do that not only to cleanse but also to see the vein they're looking for)...then she felt for that vein, got a syringe and injected the needle. it didn't hurt, really, for a while we waited for that precious "green" blood that i have...nothing "green" came out...so she searched for the vein with the needle...still inside my arm. she turned it to the left..then to the right...not contented she twisted it...again, it didn't hurt...but it surely pissed me off..
for heavens' sake i am not a guniea pig...
...then the nurse asked "masakit na po ba?" if that wasn't a stupid question, then i don't know what to call it. i said "HIndi.." kasi hindi naman talaga..
...still, i waited...another nurse took over....i asked her "wala na ba akong dugo?"
..of course i was kidding..trying hard not to be sarcastic...it looked like my blood wasn't even green, it was invisible...
..."Ma'am pwede po sa kabila na lang tayo kumuha?"
...yeah, right, like i could do something about it...
...so they got another syringe and injected me again...at last, the second nurse was able to get blood from me...TAKE NOTE: My blood is red...i'm perfectly normal, thank you.
...nakakabadrtip talaga...
..i just thought, "hey, i'm trusting this unknown person of my life but she takes it as an experiment"...even though i only have a semi-acceptable appearance, i perfetly know, i still look like a human being, not an animal nor a playground.
...badtrip lang talaga..i know this may not sound a big deal because i'm still alive(obviously--if not, you've got to think my soul is with you..nyahaha), but these LITTLE things count. Good thing, they only administered blood testing...pano kung iba na...
these nurses ought to get a lot more practice...not on teachers though, nor students...specifically, not on me...
...WAAHH...namolescha talaga ako...